i thought i deleted your number from my phone...Wtf
I just watched the quarterback of Purdue get shut down by a girl at a bar. not a good omen
if you don't go to jail tommorow I'll buy you a 40. Motivation.
fyi, we didn't break up, we just downgraded to occasional sex without ever talking about it.
Last night I went to an anything but cups party. I took a hummingbird feeder. It was a terrible decision.
If I had KNOWN you and mom were coming to visit, I wouldn't have passed out in the frat. This is why I hate surprises.
She started to rub her ass on my shoulder and i instantly thought "i am going to get E. Coli"
He'll choke me during sex but he won't eat a strip of bacon. Vegetarians are weird.
Apparently we both projectiled on Erin at the same time.
That's some true roommate bonding right there.
Well Its not like I planned having my potato launcher explode and burn off my eyebrow and eye lashes.. I still have my right eyebrow can't u just be happy?
Why is there a video on my phone of us trying to snort a line of Reeces Pieces with you chanting "This is how fat girls party"?
Who says there aren't gentlemen anymore? My one night stand warmed up my car for me
An hour is enough time for me to get drunk and win a dry hump marathon so I hope you have somewhat similar or better goals
Why am I wearing a dog collar
Only way we could keep you from running in to traffic.
well some coke just fell out of my nose in my partners meeting so i'd say my day's off to a fantastic start
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