Dude, I was completely sober last night, didn't puke on my shoes, went home with an incredibly beautiful girl, wore a condom, and didn't wake up in a puddle of urine this morning.
hah, sarcasm, classic
Damn I can't remmbre the last tome I had sobr sex
Um. I believe with my boyfriend, slut
Fuck. Wron person. But yea
Can't wait to go see my drug dealers baby being born. He rolled all of the "it's a boy" cigars into blunts.
Because the last time i saw or spoke to him he came all over me in a hammock.
My google searches from last night: tetanus shot rabbit bite, Bacardi gluten free
Stand up sex. Extremely, extremely difficult. I now know how pointe dancers feel.
I think having a vagina should be considered a skill, give me a break.
He had "Bad Bitches Only" tattooed above his dick. I don't know his name but I hope I find him again. I also don't feel that I lived up to the challenge.
My mom just told me the story of how she met my dad through prison. How was your saturday?
It was easier that asking where the vagina platter is.
my roommate would be appalled if she knew how many times i've peed in the kitchen sink
Checking out a dudes' nachos instead of the dude #foreveralone
I wanna get a tattoo next to my tattoo that says, my ex did this so don't fucking ask
My walk of shame is starting to become positively reinforcing; I stop by Starbucks and when I leave I look someone just heading to work.
He's coming over again? GIRL, you're thoroughly enjoying the month of Dicktember.
Randomize
