so it turns out you can rearrange the letters in "scottsdale" to spell "milf city." who knew?
I bought the tickets, he brought the weed. thanks to you, we had to roll a joint out of my bible paper.
Immaculate conception is definitely the most boring way to conceive a child.
tan lines, throwing up everclear on the beach, doing lifeguards, tequila...summer.
I would have thought, as two of my best friends, you girls could have cought me as I fell out of the shower. There are so many bruises.
Just puke n rally. People can't judge, it's syllabus week.
I don't know how I'm going to know it's her, I only know what she looks like with a wig on
SHE COULD ALREADY BE HERE AND I WOULDN'T EVEN KNOW
I won't trust your judgement until the word stripper doesn't make me laugh
I just dried my bra with your hair straightener because the drier is broken again.
MEG JUST LICKED A DRAIN PIPE. DAVE PUNCHED MATT IN THE THROAT. ALL BOUNDARIES ARE DOWN. I REPEAT. ALL BOUNDARIES ARE DOWN.
I just ate your leftovers whilst watching Garfield and Friends. Thank you across the board.
His dick is pure magic - dark, powerful, beautiful magic. It's the Elder Wand of penises
Tonight was a total waste of a shaved vagina
I forgot that I'm high because of how high I am.
She’s super into those renaissance faires. But, if you can’t actually stab anyone, what’s the point?
Randomize
