Partly cloudy chance of praying to the porcelin gods
cannot fit in my clothes. too depressed to drink.
if you drink enough to puke, it's like a weight loss plan.
FYI..good luck when you get back from work.. mom and dad know about the boy you brought home last night
haha good one..how did you even know?
we all know. he obviously didn't leave when you might have told him to.. he came down when we were eating because he coud smell mom's cooking. the dude ate with us and offered to say grace. so yeah, good luck.
Nights of college: 1. Virgins: 1. Yes.
i fucked her mom dude
there's something to tell the kids
just woke up face down in my kitchen covered in cheetos. my mom just stepped over me to get to the coffee maker. hello summer
Would it be a dick move to report the suite next-door for a noise violation? They're singing Bad Romance off-key and I'm not sure if I can allow that.
Do you remember trying to use a pencil, pen, and sunglasses as your second form of ID at the bar when they wouldn't let you in last night?
Can I come over? I respect you, but I want disrespectful things to happen
Oh and no more ball pics to my family. Got in a little trouble over that. They have no sense of humor.
Dude. You stood in a corner laughing your ass off while folding clothes, facing the wall. Yes, they were weed brownies..
We're like adult pinky and the brain when they decided that taking over the world is unrealistic so they aim lower by trying to get drunk every day.
And then god smiled down upon me and he said let there be hangover food and let it be Wendy's
I party with great urgency now.
Yeah, we got drunk and stole road signs.
Randomize
