Tip for today: never try to fart and swallow at the same time. You'll end up choking on whatever you are currently swallowing and shit yourself from the freakout of choking.
So I'm cool with the whole break up, but it sure is a shame we didn't get to use those handcuffs.
Sunburnt clitoris. How do I deal with it.
Dude, just be careful. Her invitation for BJ is just a trap for her to stick her finger up your ass.
How am I supposed to stop smoking pot when girl scout cookies are being sold.
I feel like my chances would have been better if I hadn't told her "I need to fuck you before you leave."
He was showing him the picture of the 40 year old woman he made out with in Florida, turns out Chris made out with the same woman.
Go her
He pulled a condom out of his satchel and i questioned my entire life.
i love when the champions come out to play im bringin the shock collar this weekend
Apparently I told a girl last night, that's she's super beautiful and I don't want to fuck she just deserves being eaten out
He looks like he was the one that always had koolaid stains around his mouth as a kid, he can fuck off.
I may or may not have definitely said the words "how do I put this beer in my purse without looking like an alcoholic" last night.
We are all done wearing pants today
I fear our relationship is coming to an end. Last night I felt the need to bloody apologise for waking him up with a blow job.
The progression was banging a stripper banging an unemployed stripper banging a sexual entrepreneur quarantining with benefits totally fucking whipped. Get it right dude
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