last night i was so high that when a homeless person asked me for a dollar, i responded: dolla dolla bill ya'll.
was it more than 30 minutes?
ya
then you're in a relationship
You left half a beer on someones car and claimed it was a second day of hanakuh gift
Random fact of the day: cum is a really good eye makeup remover
i just packed a bowl on a big bird place mat and smoked it in a spaceship with a slide. i love babysitting.
he sent me this 10 second long video of a gorilla eating a banana on my phone. no explanation. I didn't even have his number. just. a gorilla eating a banana.
She offered to massage my back by hitting it with a sparkly purple double dildo... Bi chicks can get creepy
Maybe it's cuz you slapped him with a pancake last night
honestly, i just want you to have sex with him too so that you can fully understand my appreciation of his dick as well.
I give him a gold star every time I orgasm. His room looks like he's freaking King Midas.
I mean looking back on it, it's unlucky but at least now we can say we were in jail from 2011 to 2012
That's thinking positively..
On a scale from 1 to the worst weekend of my life, that was an 11. I can see again, though.
The last thing I remember is trying to chug the rest of the everclear, running through a fence, and laying down in the snow. I hurt.
Remember that time we were together? Yeah, I don't miss that.
All time low: no dry towels so I'm using the sex towel to dry off
Randomize
