Yeah unless I can find some idiot to make love to
i found a roscoes card in my pocket that says 'fuck me bare fo $15.20'. Wow
I just heard the term negative masterbation and I don't believe it
God, you're like boner-b-gone
My math professor just asked us to draw the graph of the derivative of our drunkenness from friday to sunday. Dear Jesus this looks bad.
She showed up to the party with a live octopus and a 30 pack that was already half gone
Im drunk with people I love less than you. fix it.
Stand up sex. Extremely, extremely difficult. I now know how pointe dancers feel.
When I say drunk I mean that in the process of filming a fratstar cooking show they threw a keg into the street where the police came to clean it up. now all they can say is "THE KEG GOT ARRESTED."
Here is your half hour reminder. Meet you at emergency room.
i'm face down in a ditch right now please help this is not a metaphor for my life this is real.
You're the reason why I want to be a better drunk
The internet is out at West Chester so I'm masturbating using my imagination. What is this, the fucking dark ages?
can we not speak foreign languages when I'm on drugs
He told his wife he was too old to pretend to be straight. She tried to argue. He walked two tables over and was like this is my highschool sweetheart and he's an excellent fuck, we're running away together. It was epic.
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