Apparently oprah and I were in competition to see who's ass could get bigger this summer
Dont even try and act like it wasn't you who made the sex tape of my dogs.
She woke up laying on my kitchen floor, ketchup bottle as her pillow, in front of my fridge.
why the fuck are my pubes caked with bread crumbs?
You were running around yelling "BUKAKE!" and squirting people with a shampoo bottle you found. Total shitshow.
I'd recommend you leave that level of crazy to the experts. I'd start with an under appreciated soccer mom if I were you.
We're having Wednesday-night goat-night at the bar.
It's hard to explain...
I just finished packing for spring break, took me 4 minutes. To be fair though I only put my trunks, a pair of underwear, and 50 condoms in my bag.
Who says there aren't gentlemen anymore? My one night stand warmed up my car for me
Thanks for taking care of me. I hope I didn't pee in your car.
Nothing says "I Love you" like my dick in a pizza box
I don't think I'm gonna survive today. I don't remember how to walk. I must crawl 6 blocks to my bed.
I've had more orgasms than showers this week.
SHE POOPED THE CONDOM WHOLE
operation Bang Australian Boy = oh so successful
Randomize
