He's the biggest piece of shit to ever exist. He's not even wearing shoes.
Guess who's still drunk but on time to court to represent a DUI?
You are my hero
I just used a coupon while buying plan B. The pregnant sales clerk nodded in approval.
You were rubbing your foot on one of your legs and kept saying, "My sock feels like a waterslide!"
his mom gave me my lost underwear folded up along with the rest of my christmas present. tell me this cannot be happening.
Miller High Life will be the death of me. Well, that and shower sex.
sorry can't. you know Saturday is the masturbating day for single sorority girls here.
But you're the one who should be jamming foreign objects into my vaj instead of an old weird lady. I mean, it is your birthday....
After I'd been making out with her for a good 15 minutes some guy yelled "grab this chicks beer she needs both hands!" And he was right I did need both: god bless jello wrestling.
Yep. My memoirs will be called "A Slore Worth Mentioning"
How the hell does my fucking boss know about the goddamned magician I fucked?!?
Which is worse that I came in public or that no one noticed?
You full on peed your pants then resurrected yourself like Jesus Christ...
I'm not gonna plow a chick in front of her 14 year old brother....
my personal favorite... An "I'm sorry you broke your finger and cant play sports for awhile" blowjob!
Randomize
