Drunk and had dance off with 8 year old. Lost. Still drinking
The required reading for this week is a paper about birds called great tits. Let's see my TA keep a straight face through this discussion.
I just want you to know if you wake up tomorrow morning and wreak of mustard, I was not involved.
Drunk in my research methods class at 9:30 in the morning. We should do a quantitative analysis of my mimosa consumption.
I am both scared and jealous.
I'm not as easy in Europe as I am in the US
Only because you can wipe your slut slate clean & start anew. It's a little known benefit of our currency exchange.
Do something fun then. Blow up the house or whatever.
How have you survived this long?
Dumb luck and a deal with the devil.
Considering adding a large amount of vodka to my tomato cup-a-soup at work. Save me.
It's cosmic balancing. My vagina is an instrument of karmic retribution.
I just had sex with the megalodon show on in the background and it was just as magical as it sounds
didn't prepare for this snow storm at all. i only have like 6 beer and all my booty calls already went home for the holiday. this is bull.
How much do souls cost? I feel like I need one if those.
I gave him head during Pitch Perfect 2, I felt like the Bella's were cheering me on with their back up tunes
Dude, seriously, fucking stop introducing me as "Thomas, with the dick piercing." you are the worst wingman ever.
I don’t have the time, patience, or blood alcohol level to deal with her.
It feels weird going to sleep without hugging the toilet goodnight
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