so the guy who showed me the apt today is now texting me and asking me out for drinks...he's at least 20 yrs oldr than me and highlights his hair, but part of me is wondering how low i can talk him down in rent during sex? wrong?
six shots in, he is hammered and doing stretches before each shot
how many times in life can you be kicked out of a pizza buffet for vomiting on the food and insulting small children
You kept screaming "Its taco night!" before every shot
shes got that 'its my party i can do meth if i want to' mentality. i like that.
I just told you I can't. My fingers are melting. I have discovered the high.
someone just drove by blasting livin on a prayer and threw like 6 bagels out the window... was it you?!
its fine. mom just made me chug a long island. and made a crying face when i balked. we'll talk tomorrow.
he is allergic to cats. we can only glue dog hair on him. otherwise he might die and i dont want to be responsible for that.
ahaha ok
let's call it "werewolfing"
I never knew so many sexual things could be done while wearing footie pajamas
Throwing up in his bed is not a step up in your relationship
I'm spending tomorrow with her. What should my ridiculous personal goal be? I've already got a blowjob while eating a cupcake
Thanks for your faith in my ability to stay sober while writing final essays. It's...unearned.
Just used the "Buddy" Poppy flower I got from a veteran to clean my one hitter. "I'm proud to be an American"
Just seriously saw this chick say, watch this motherfuckers then did a 42 sec keg stand.
You at least asked for her number right?
Randomize
