we've reached the level in our friendship where i don't think he would rape me
Latest life lesson : don't accidentally send an "I nutted on her tramp stamp" text to your tattoo-less girlfriend. Oops.
I just wiped my vajayjay with snow. Bad idea.
She threw up all over when she was giving me dome. Not even gonna lie, it felt really good.
Ps if we're still living vicariously through each other, you had sex on a beach last night
Something smells like weed and I think it might be my mascara. Come sniff my eyes
dude. i just ate tomato soup with a funnel. we're out of spoon-straws.
To my wonderful winter break booty calls: thank you for making this holiday season enjoyable. I look forward to seeing you boys again this summer.
you took a potato out of your pocket and just started eating it raw. don't know where the potato came from though
21st birthday = success
Why did I wake up to grapes taped my ears ?
Sorry dude, we didn't want you to hear us. Seemed like a good idea at the time.
TIL a potato cannon can be loaded with dildos as ammunition. Boy, do our neighbours love us!
Taco Bell is giving high school kids free tacos STEAL YOUR BROTHER'S WALLET I'LL BRING THE WEED.
We are all done wearing pants today
Came out of blackout state to the curtains torn down & the headboard laid on top of him. & yes he was still breathing
we cut you off when you started chasing with your slim fast shake
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