something about eating while taking a crap just doesn't seem safe to me.
maybe we can find two twins tonight and bang them together and then my life is complete
Also just realized how inappropriate it looks to other drivers to finish bottles of cheap champagne at stoplights
Why is there not a 'day after acid' genre. Or even a pandora station or something.
Wow way to turn my death into an oppurtunity to get laid
don't tell me about being eco-friendly. i just threw up in the same bag i bought my liquor in. RECYCLING
You gave me balls I gave you half a boob. Fair trade
Nothing like coaching 5 year olds with a bunch of visible bruises from last night's drunk bondage sex.
Watching boy meets world, drinking left over pink panty droppers and coloring in a my little pony coloring book. This is my Monday night
Why am I not blowing coke off your ass at my apartment?
I'm actually kind of scared about the prospect of us living together. We're just going to eat pizza and drink wine before retiring to our rooms with vibrators
Nothing has ever been more true. Ever.
I would not recommend douching while drunk.
I'm way too sober and people are way too heterosexual
He doesn't wear a seatbelt. He votes Republican. He has a small dick. That house of cards just fell apart.
She fucked my eyebrows.. I've never had that done before.
Wait... Plucked, or Fucked?
Fucked, but I understand your need to clarify
Randomize
