mutual masturbation is only cool if cash money records is involved.
She really thought E.D. was a sexually position.
Now he's talking about how he's writing in a journal because he doesn't remember "his thought patterns when he was in elementary and that's distressing". I'm walking home. Fuck this.
we couldn't afford a big pool so we bought 2 kiddie pools and put the inflatable beer pong table inbetween. get over here. now.
let me put this in terms we both understand. he was the crunchwrap supreme of men--the perfect combo of all things manly, gooey and delicious. and ready for instant enjoyment.
Luke did at least 8 shots of pure mayonnaise last night. I am not sure if that is better or worse than my 2 cement mixers?
If drawing me a picture of his dick in draw something is flirting then he is doing it wrong.
Drank a beer through my butt, how's your initiation going?
You're putting the star player on the bench. You dont put Michael Jordan on the bench.
Are you referring to my vagina as Michael Jordan?
Turns out the old man beside me in the waiting room was dead, but other then that it was a good day.
Any idea why the fuck i would replace all the music on my ipod with the fucking Goosebumps theme song?!?
Apparently drunk you is really nostalgic?
Honestly I have a huge freedom boner right now and if I came it would be red white and blue
Appreciate the offer but I'm a huge fan of penis
The two of us went back to your place, had sex, peed in cups, then i went home. Literally all i know
I was trying to sext but got a notification that my dad and professor both commented on my Facebook photo. Bad timing.
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