508, what difference does it make? You were alone, anyway.
so the chest pain/shortness of breath/overdose guy we just took to tm hospital is now running down market street from the police in a gown holding his iv.
my dog ran away and came back with a marajuana plant. what are you doing tonight?
The only thing that would make my night better is if William Shatner came and read me a bedtime story.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I found a map from his room to his bathroom this morning in my purse. Apparently I was too fucked up to get there without one.
I should have considered my snorting capabilities before breaking my nose
yo btw licking skeptical coke off table right now
I had to have the guy I went out with last night come pick me up from the hotel the next morning after I ditched him for a firefighter..don't even talk to me about a walk of shame
I told her it would be awesome. We are all the same people. One of us would always be drunk, one of us would always be hooking up, and one of us would always be crying into a pancake.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Never in my life did I dream that I would meet and NFL linesman, let alone that he would be standing before me dressed as a Roman centurion and asking for Vaseline.
I may have had several rum punches and then gone to the store and used European cucumbers to prove my baton twirling prowess.
he really is such a sweet guy. it’s a shame i have to break his heart.
His beard looks like it smells like beer, cocaine and old pussy juice
Is constant horniness a medical condition? Because a husband, a boyfriend and an office side piece should be enough penis for one girl - but they’re not :-(
There’s a child, alone, sitting on a picnic table out there, making bird noises
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