The money shot is kinda like the "The End" part of a children's book isn't it?
while 90% of the female population goes to worship a fictional character tonight at midnight, I will be taking advantage of having the bars ALL TO MYSELF.
I don't know how God could bestow someone that emotionally confused with such an awesome penis.
I was relieved after I found the unopened condom in my pocket. Then I found the open one in the other pocket..
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Single person behavior: I wanted a cookie but was too lazy to make or go buy any, so I let cookie dough ice cream melt and ate all the chunks. Pantsless.
And all you did was hit on me and do things "for America", so you weren't judged heavily
Wait do you remember that guy last night asking to use my nose ring to open his beer.......
so I may or may not have had intense sex to mozart's greatest hits on vinyl... I don't know if I should be proud or just really disappointed in my nerdness
please come back they are interrogating me about masturbation
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My one regret (beside the inevitable shit storm that followed) is that now I can't fuck his cute friend.
Dear sober self, your keys are on the table in front of you the only way your typing this is with autocorrect goodnight love you
I'm not saying i'm drunk
But i'm drunk.
He showed up completely drunk with a 30 of PBR and ten cans of Spam. I like this kid.
I gave her the last ten dollars to my name and bitch comes back with a six pack of bud light and a pack of sour patch kids
Right. Cuz nothing screams "You made it!" quite like selling your used underwear to strangers you met on the internet.
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