I want to make Jon&Kate babies with him. Not in quantity, but in percentage asian.
I called him Han Solo during sex, he looked at me like he was mortified then I realized he came.
I feel like I'm one of those people who someone looks at and thinks "how did she get into this college"
some people wear their heart on their sleeve but you just wear your vagina on your face.
she told me i tasted like america
We told you to stay put for 2 minutes. We come back out and your being handcuffed yelling "DO YOU FEEL LIKE A GOOD FUCKING PERSON ARRESTING ME ON MY BIRTHDAY?!"
Just to an Octoberfest and a sex party. Nothing wild.
My fuck buddy is great and all, but it gets weird when she gets in arguments with her BF in the driveway
Can I just have sex with him and then never talk to him? I need him to be the Mr. Miyagi of my sex life.
The three yr old girl I nanny grabbed a pole just now and is chanting "this is my house"
Sounds like you at that dive bar last weekend
I just sneaky put a tampon in on the bus ninja-style.
......how on earth do you do that?
NINJAAAA
UGH FUCK THIS TRAFFIC I WANNA SUCK A DICK
I JUST GOT WOKEN UP TO HIM PISSING ON ME SAYING "IT HAS TO HAVE WATER TO GO TO THE BATHROOM" AND AFTER HE FINISHED HE DIDNT REMEMBER DOING IT
We broke the bed while I was handcuffed to the headboard and let's just say that was a hard one to explain to the RA
Jesus fuck. I just hit on him in front of the whole fire department. They hit the sirens and told us to get a room. FML. I can never go back to that fire station again...
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