I play with my boobs when I'm bored. I playwith my nipples whe I'm drunk
Just met a guy who has been in college for 7 years and still classified as a junior. Then watched him shotgun 10 beers. Found my new hero
So I just walked into the bathroom, and there was this kid, talking to his mom, while taking a shit. I flushed the toilet next to him and heard him say into the phone, "No, I'm not. I'm in my dorm."
if every girl in minneapolis isn't pregnant when i get back to the cities i will cry
I don't even have to sign up for karaoke at duncans anymore. The karaoke ppl just sign me up themselves. Without my consent. I also sang stacys mom to some lady named Stacy who's mom died yesterday.
Tell nick i'm sorry for throwing a block of cheese at him last night
Seriously I will never run in my wedges while drinking racing home to have sex ever again
I'm not taking advise from someone who responded to the pickup line "I have a penis"
Summer bikini season begins today. I hereby declare the commencement of the 2013 HUNT FOR CUNT.
Oh and an honorable mention for your father's porn collection. Things I'll never forget.
After sending me a dick pic, he asked, "yay or nay?"
Dude she's from Moscow. I feel like I'm cheating on America.
How dare you not respond to me after opening up a picture of my bare breasts
He told me he felt the only proper thing to do was fuck me to the top of the corporate ladder
Well, if I’m not getting dick or sleep then I’m not interested.
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