Anyone ask you how much a bj cost yet? That shirt is so whorish
If I saw her on the street and didn't know about the two of them, I would think the only way she'd ever find love was if she somehow found her way to middle earth and an orc took her in
i just fucked the bartender on my cruise to get free alcohol. have things gone too far?
it was like fucking with batman, he had gadgets i never even imagined
i dont know, i woke up and he was going down on me. i guess i can save his number
My cleaning lady broke my bubbler. It's awkward between us now.
Why?
Because she knows I do drugs and I know she's a clumsy bitch.
I'm pretty sure they changed the plants at the grocery store because of us
perfect. if all else fails remind him how anxious he is. talk real fast and induce a panic attack that only I can remedy with xanax.
shes on the ground doing bicycle kicks screaming "is my ass good enough for you now satan" send help
I just tinder matched with a blue angels pilot. I need to make out with him. For America.
I want my tombstone to read "making poor life decisions since 1993"
Honestly who turns down a free blowjob?
I'm wearing a sports bra. Of course I'm not getting laid tonight.
Just realized that my booty calls are vastly ranging in penis sizes.
What are you, a fucking toaster ?
Randomize
