bad idea #53- masterbating while on period.
Sometimes he's such a bitch I forget that he's not actually a girl. Last night I asked him if I could borrow a tampon.
He had some in his pocket. That was weird.
There really should be an "avoid ghetto" option on my GPS.
I REALLY appreciate you guys taking care of me when im wasted but i think its weird when i wake up in different clothes than black out in
just wondering who decided to put a cup of throw up in my fridge
From what I remember, he had one ball. But it was cute
I feel like I should come with a warning like "Orgasm free since 1983"
He passed out with the ball in his hand so no one could play beer pong without him.
I am the worst sexter. i actually told him .. if i had a penis, it would be hard right now. BTW thats a turn off.
Turns out the owner of the bar that I fucked used to be on Boy Meets World, but now he's old and bald. So there's that..
No matter how many miles separate us, I will always be here to get you through whiskey shots.
Mom is talking about dicks with her friends in the living room. I am 5 seconds away from scaling the bathroom window out of here.
I woke up this morning cradling my vibrator like it was a baby
I just announced to Denny's that I'm not wearing a bra.
he asked if he should bring the trash can into the room.. apparently i shoved my finger all over his face and said.. shhhh dont talk... just take your pants off.
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