I hooked up with a Michael Jackson impersonator last night. Too soon?
so he was shitfaced and kept using sticky notes to label everything like "beer spill" and "going to fuck later"
I love how my brain works. It's like being on drugs without the costly upkeep.
I just went to a subway where the girl didn't know how to make a blt. I will not miss public school texans.
let's skip the party, and just play drunken wii, again. its time to give my vag a break.
I mean I found and stalk his moms facebook.. that obsessed.
Memorial weekend is going to be amazeballs. Jungle juice, drunk guys, and my vagina being stimulated by the vibrations of a 4 wheeler. I mean there is no way that can go wrong.
Like, actually questioning if you ate dog shit last night
Or stump rather since he's possibly large. Large penises don't have tips, just blunt ends of battering rams.
How was the birthday sex?
Shit got outta hand. Honestly I think even my STDs have STDs.
So wait. Let me get this straight lol... you... are are considering offering fetish services to "trample and own" someone for $80 in order to pay for someone to come organize ur shit? Pure genius.
i need to start buying Plan B in bulk and leaving them at the door. I'm really sick of walking to CVS with my one-nighters
Let's play "Guess What I Just Found In My Vagina?"
And anyway at least being paid in opium makes a cool story
I feel like a girl who eats her problems away with fast food.
When all else fails, you can always look down at your enormous penis.
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