Dude, just got a bummer.
What??
A blow job from a homeless chick.
I think I gave almost everyone at that party the clap last night
don't read that magazine bro. I came in it
She looks like an uncircumcised penis in a hat.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just don't see what's wrong with carrying a water bottle around.
It's not the bottle. It's the fact that you're drinking wine out of a sport bottle at 9 am.
the fda needs to get their shit together cause these four loko going away parties are gonna kill me
Her legal name is Candy. Her being a whore is implied.
Just woke up with my keys in one hand and cheesecake in the other.
There's a black statue of liberty dancing on the side of the road. Please hold while I join him.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm dealing with this like an adult, cupcakes and beer.
Just woke up to Siri reminding me that i need to kill the giant orange spider in my room, because it's sorcery and witchcraft is sacrilegious. Did you give me LSD again!?!??!
I guess I was running around slapping people in the face with a slice of turkey telling them that the only way to beat alcohol addiction is to go cold turkey.
Yes ma'am. I'm attracted to unconventional people, you know that.
True. I can't judge, half of my sexual partners I only know a false first name & a number. We all have our kinks.
yeah....try hearing them in person. it sounds like two muppets going at it
If you fucking touch my phone and text people, drunk or sober, ever again, i will shove a swizle stick up your pee hole.
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