I just told my doc I would like to talk about my drinking problem, but that it would probably get in the way of my weekend plans.
I was so drunk I accidentally put in two tampons.
I tried to talk you out of it. You were worried about alcohol being a blood thinner.
Why the FUCK can i grow hair on my big toes but not on my chest?
I just called my cat a slut and she responded. Proudest moment ever.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I dont think punching her boob is the type of reverse psychology that will get her to blow you.
Hey man sorry, can't talk. I'm already taking risks by ripping the bong on this conference call.
The only reason we got away with streaking last time was cuz we had those miner hats
You have plans tonight?
Stress crying into a bottle of long island ice tea mix...other than that nope
i think smoking weed in a ladies bathroom on the beach with two dudes might be the shadiest thing ive done in a while
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
And that's the fourth pair of yoga pants with unwashable stains from you.
I had a flashback of using my sock as a napkin after we got taco bell
I just moved my 11am hair appointment to 8am so I could blackout at noon. Who am I?
The Dick I got last night was so phenomenal that I had to take a fucking personal day today.
I feel like I had a successful night. I flashed the guy at the liquor store last night for 2 free tshirts and a giant redbull.
You literally snort drugs up your nose and you’re questioning the brand of the multivitamin right now?
Randomize