We went to the police station completely hammered looking for you. Don't tell me I'm not a good friend.
She celebrated a negative pregnancy test by going out to Quizno's. I really don't understand her at all.
We got a party bus for the nite. I found out the hard way why stripper poles are meant for girls.
I have no idea what happened last night, but you're the only person I remember smashing my face into. Be honored.
im proctoring the SATs right now and im still drunk from last night. i really wanna tell these kids that this fucking test doest mean shit and they will just be constantly drunk once in college.
I am burnt. Have a black eye. Face dove into the grass and got pissed on. Time of my life. God Bless the USA.
Also I climbed atop a mailbox with a toilet paper hat and a wolverine claw made of glowsticks, screaming at passers-by that they were going to die. Control me
i cant wait to be back in my element of drunk, on a barstool, ive missed home
So the day after the 4th I'm sitting here drinking Molson and watching NHL free agent frenzy. From patriotic American to drunken Canadian in 24 hours flat. Booyah.
You ever fart so hard while you are asleep that you wake up screaming?
Thanks for that golden cinnamony goodness that flowed from your fake tits last night haha
I think we might have a drinking problem when the ASU kids called us crazy
No one made them take a shot with us at the 12 hour mark. That's their bad
I have a cat for love and a booty call for sex. What else could I need?
Just woke up in a Price Chopper bathroom stall with a half eaten cake on the floor. Had to get a ride from the waitress I made out with. What happened to "Don't let me drink Tequila?"
I lied.
RESPOND QUICKLY THIS IS AN EMERGENCY!!! LITERALLY AN 11 INCH DICK!!!!! HELP.
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