Someone should tell Glenda that I only hang with her because she makes me look prettier.
I can't ever handle being "that girl" again. At least not until next semester.
The worst part is I think my tongue cut his penis and now he wont talk to me.
just bailed mom out of jail. Tell me i'm not the favorite child
He's fat, has man boobs, and is uncircumsized. I feel like I won the last woman on earth prize.
The drunk teletubby stumbling out of the place tipped me off..
I don't believe u have enough text space to describe the dimensions of his penis.
I knew it would get worse when I said I think your roommate is watching and he looked over at him and said ... So?
ok thanks goodnight
Also before you go to bed i just have to get it out there that i really like macklemore as a person
A gay guy went down on me in the club bathroom and then fixed my makeup for me
its gonna be a great night
she definitely didn't appreciate it when you justified bringing her home by yelling to me "fat bitches need love too"
Did I send you a naked snap the other day with a fat blunt in my mouth with the caption "$1200 bitches!" ?
Of all the kinds of relationships I've had in my life, I'd have to say, lab-partner-with-benefits takes the fuckin cake
You sealing the pinky promise with a shot was much better than just kissing it
I will fuck anyone who brings me mcdonalds right now
Randomize
