oh. my. god. the guy i hooked up with last night is currently wearing a dress.
fyi, i just bought my first strap-on. the little mermaid theme song was playing in the background.
We were tigers and tigers don't wear pants
I realized it was a bad idea when I broke my collar bone
He titled his birthday party on facebook, "BJ's in PJ's- an adult slumber party." I'm the only one invited.
So the first 4 hours of my morning was equivalent to seeing under water. Things were starting to get better until I remember I drank mustard for free stuff and flossed my teeth with a strand of hair from a stranger in the bathroom.
Drinking, I should not. Got here I don't know. Still drunk, I am. At courtneys.
I won the booty shaking contest by mooning the whole bar
I just sent you a multitude of sexual pictures...and you responded with a Charles Dickens Quote.
So apparently someone caught him as he was falling. And carried him around the rest of the night.
I bruised my dick hopping over that fence last night
nothing says "fuck you jocks from high school my life is better than yours" like bringing 5 grand in 20s to the bar
Masturbating during the Olympics and cumming during the national anthem really is everything it's cracked up to be. Just thought you should know.
I made out with a 40 year old and told her we were dating then got kicked out of a gay bar. This is the day I stop drinking.
All I can remember from last night was eating nutella and touching myself to Weird Science.
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