Alright folks.. i have made history - I just hit my 2nd PARKED car SOBER withing 6 months.. :*( wtf?!
we're almost there. Shes pounding on the car window telling the nurse whos on a smoke break to fuck off.
We decided to play beer pong where the loser had to beer bong a pitcher of beer...people just started losing on purpose. It was a bad idea.
just saw someone in just a bathrobe not even tied shut run to the bathroom with a facefull of cum. Someone had a good night
The only thing worse than being arrested is the fact the cop confiscated my green dinosaur costume.
I gave her at least chlamydia. Maybe worse. She is also into chicks and loves taking naked pics. It's like the less I believe in Jesus, the more he rewards me.
I've heard awesome things about their margaritas. I also may buy a mustache from party city. Would you do me with a mustache on??! Hahahaha. But, really.
I am drunk please bring Taco Bell and sex
Never mind I found pizza just bring sex
What are your plans?
Get picked up. Convince you to leave work. Smoke. Drink. Fly helicopters.
I cannot describe the pre-ejaculative horrors thru the medium of text messaging
When you were bringing him upstairs I told him to bring you on down to pound town. you're welcome.
The hot streak continues..if life was NBA jams i would be "on fire" right now
I accidentally left my shirt at my booty calls house. He washed it & hung it up for me in his closet. I can't decide if that's sweet or creepy
I will feed you tacos. I will touch your butt. Happy Valentine's Day ❤️
I mean, I've had her boob in my mouth, but is that romance?
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