I've been congratulating people on facebook about their forthcoming pregnancies. I can't wait to see how this plays out
great, thanks for announcing that I gave you head over twitter
at least I said it was good
He's a firefighter, who has his own band. I'm pregnant just thinking about him.
I don't think you'd be able to understand Inception if you weren't high...
so are you any less fat since you started doing blow?
fyi, she knows we call her the sperm bank. watch your back.
you flashed my boyfriend last night so i tackled you to the floor. you may be a bit sore.
My goal for tonight is to swipe my debit card through those weird rolls on the back of a big bald guy's head.
BABIES FOR EVERYONE. I'd be like Oprah except with babies
Got my parents to pick me up from the party, take me to the bar and buy all my drinks, then drop me off at my booty calls house.
Well, I'm hung over and my penis hurts - two signs of success
This feels more like a conference of all the people I've fucked in the past year.
I just timed my pee with a stop watch. From when the main stream started to ended. It was 45.1 seconds. This is the truth trust me.
Look, I need your help, not your judgment.
wow. that really looks like a penis. not a top hat
Randomize
