I chose taco bell over sex...
good choice.
You named all of the cocktail shrimps and then tackled a guy for "eating Henry"
oh ps. last night you kept telling me to calm down because everything was fine cause you were getting "arab money"...
Nothing says "I'm a sorority girl" like puking at 830 in the am, wearing my anti-hazing pin, and getting ready for a tea party.
careful of the bathroom.... theres some drunken ninja turtles in there....
peeing on that welcome mat was like, the highlight of my week
Dude sorry but it totally wasn't worth going back in there for yous shoes
Dude you were so high some kid was kicking the wall and you were convinced it was your heartbeat
He ate me out on the kitchen floor while we waited for the cake to bake. How was your Valentines Day?
It's gotten so bad I typed my will out on my phone in case it's over.
Some small part of me hopes I'm on the probationary list because of seeing the Dean at that fetish party.
We need to leave a grand offering for the god of free booze and salvia.
Come get your boyfriend. He is hammered talking to me about hot dogs and casinos.
They made the paper for stealing gnomes. I fucked a local celebrity.
I wiped my ass with a McDonalds wrapper. I've hit an all time low. Sorry for my impatience
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