Last night Brynn convinced every person at the party wearing glasses that they stole hers, and she woke up with 8 pairs of prescription glasses in her bag.
you know what sucks? talking to chicks you dont want to have sex with
explain the missing patches of hair on my cat. now.
If fate has that penis in my future.....I'm down.
she used her one phone call to ask me about my day
No. Do you know how much this carpet cost? If she comes over, you put down towels this time. i'm so not kidding.
i watched you ride a mechanical penis. nothing is awkward between us anymore.
I always knew I'd be the first one with an STD
I don't know if I have the sustained energy level for partying hard
Not a choice. You are mistaking my comments as options. My statements are facts. This is what is happening.
These kids are nice. Shrooms make everything so nice.
I based a lot of our friendship on the fact that I thought you were crying from feeling so sad for me when I got crabs. I'm not sure if we can ever be as close now.
If someone told me one person in the department was secretly a death eater, I would suspect her, no contest.
Hey so I got my period
Thank god I wasn't ready to deal with sober you for 9 months
i forgot how loud opening a beer is in a house where your not allowed to drink
He smells like sex and magic. I’m already naming our children
Maybe you should talk to him first
Randomize
