didnt we say no more talking to eachother
it will help you get over me i promise
im horny
ok i will unlock the door
I chose taco bell over sex...
good choice.
I just saw a hobo shake a payphone until it spat out a bunch of quarters. what a champ.
yeah, we don't understand. the wings losing for guys is like girls finding objects in their body..just weird and sad
1 of the best things of being a business owner is I don't get fired for having sex in the office
I've done unspeakable things to your penis. I have every right to give it a name.
This titty bar has wifi. I just did FaceTime stage side
I've got to stop making out with the guys and sharing drinks with you. I'm the reason we all get sick at the same time. Sorry.
The amount of my urine my roommate has consumed after I found out he's been eating my food almost offsets how angry I am
I woke up this morning covered in blood and peanut butter. I am now safe from vampires with nut allergies.
I didnt finish. My brain kept playing the duck tales theme thru the entire blow job
Because cocaine and lesbian hookups on a Tuesday cannot be the new normal
So Saturday night after 10 drinks I guess he tried to have sex with me and in the middle of it I asked "can you tell I'm faking it!?" and then I sat up and threw up in my hand. That's a sex Win in my books
Want to sleep. Also want to see Alex on MDMA doing really stupid shit. Choices...
My nipples are YOUNG and they need TWISTING
Randomize
