my best friend tried to rape me with a pineapple
I dont like him- his parents were home and he hid me in his closet like anne frank
So My parents cut me off after I started making blood marys with hienz ketchup
yea i came on her face and told her to bring a snorkel next time
Isn't it statistically impossible for THAT many ugly people to be in one place at one time?
side note. good thing you didn't come to drunk breakfast. we were judged by children.
bark. im thoroughly looking forward to kegs and eggs. next weekend should be pancakes and pinnical, then cereal and seagrams and then whiskey and waffles.
Cops just came and got two guys out of my class. I can't do college. Seriously cannot rage at this school anymore.
Wait is it okay if I still want to fuck the whole USA swim team or is that only acceptable during the Olympics?
8===D
That's the bat signal to come over and fuck me.
But how will the next generation learn about life choices without a Jersery Shore?
Trust me, dating 38 and 20 year old dudes at the same time is the best. Money plus all of the sex. Finally figured out this relationship thing.
I think I'm destined to be the stoner version of one of those successful but emotionally unavailable characters Sandra Bullock always plays in movies
Like who needs a job and family when you can get drunk for free with strippers?
Do you think it would be weird to wear a shirt that says 'big fun small package' from an ex for a first date?
Randomize
