This girl in my class is wearing a sweatshirt that says "LEAD ME NOT INTO TEMPTATION" ahaha I almost just laughed out loud. We could never be friends
I got offered a handle of vodka and tomato soup to bring his dog home. He knows me all too well.
CHAZ BONO WILL BE ON THE NEXT SEASON OF DANCING WITH THE STARS.
Internet Is back!
MY NEWS TRUMPS YOURS.
I'm not drunk enough to eat silly string
He broke up with his gf yesterday so he could give me our annual Christmas sex at midnight.
Marry him. Now.
I should start handing out wavers before I have sex with someone. 1. Do you have anything to do tomorrow? 2. Are you ok with sleeping 12 hours from exhaustion. 3. Are you ok with a limp?
I've decided that my night was probably over when I started eating the penne vodka with my hands.
People were drinking out of 26ers with straws, and somewhere someone yelled "fill me with dicks!" I'm home.
It's been this way for a few days. I had chick fil a on Friday so this could be an attack from the Gay Gods as punishment.
tell her i changed her phone's unlock password to be the length of my fully erect penis in centimeters. I'll be in my room for the next two hours.
This chick had a microhand. Fucking, like, jerking off a baby carrot would make it look like corn.
Well he walked in last night, yelled at me for not playing any music and started dancing.
I LIKE NICE BOXERS OKAY!? COMBINED WITH A GLORIOUS DICK JUST MAKES THIS EVEN BETTER. WE MOVE IN TOGETHER AND THAT PIC'S GETTIN FUCKING FRAMED.
I accidentally mass texted his dick pic. Not only to my friends, but to my dad as well...
thanks for letting me have sex in your bed, too bad you didn't get to yet
who are you?
Randomize