I woke up fully clothed on top of my sheets and i didnt even pee myself..so proud.
she just asked me to help her create a twitter page for edward cullen's hair.... seriously.
there is a school bus full of santas parked in front of the liquor store
i woke up with a shattered plate next to my head.
Found a dirty envelope on my seat w ur name and $122.50 written on the front. Nothing inside but what looks like dirty pine needles
You're going to the beach with me so we can have beach sex whether you like it or not. Get over it. Kthx.
the welcome home hickey he left on my boob is really gunna put a damper on the rest of my thanksgiving hook up plans with the rest of my ex's
At front desk. Got a beer drinking pigeon.
in case you were wondering, even a BJ under a blanket on the back of a bus only lifts a 14-hour bus ride to borderline tolerable.
We invited our waitress tonight to come too.... we told her she had lightning in her veins and in return she taught us a Texas Roadhouse dance so the logical next step was invite her to a kegger.
He let me keep my Michael Jordan Bulls jersey on during sex.
that moment you remember partying with someone several years ago.. and don't remember if you slept with them or not.
my mom is feeding me weed brownies...god help us
Probably some sort of karmic revenge for me looking at titties somewhere along the way
and for that you shall suffer
God: I won't strike you down, but I shall introduce your child to Doja Cat during a quarantine
It’s bad enough my brother slept with half of the sorority this year, but now he’s lifeguarding at the club and every divorcée and cougar in town is asking me for his number. My twin is a manwhore and I’ve become his pimp.
Randomize