ya dads aren't the best wingmen
Dude. Fucked her last night. Fucked her this morning. went downstairs for water. took 18 pack of Coors Light instead and took it back to my gf's. Got a blow job from her. Drinking the beer on my deck now. Best Day ever.
The last thing I remember is yelling "ill handle this" while wearing a lion suit and holding a jug of vodka when the RAs came
He had me believing he was actually British until he came and used his real voice.
In between when I last wrote and now have screwed a Swiss guy on a hostel bathroom floor. Okay, real life?
He tried to tell me that he could handle his liquor better than "all the bitches in this town." AS HE THREW UP. ALL. OVER.
That's the only way to get approved without a guarantor.
WHAT DOES THAT MEAN WHAT FUCKING LANGUAGE ARE YOU SPEAKING
We knew we were dealing with a pro when some random guy at the bar thew you over his shoulder and you still didn't spill your drink
Strangely enough, that's not the first time that's happened
I tried to break it off with the married one. He offered to pay off my car.
The side bitch struggle is real.
Lol he touched my butt after his grad party and a shooting star went by. No kidding. My ass is mystical.
I thought you might think I was an idiot who thought cock rings prevent STDs,
I might go bald with this hair pulling thing every night.
I accidentally brought up how there used to be a big tree in his yard, which I could only have known if I had been Google mapping his house.
He's got a british accent, a tounge ring, and he's wearing an eye patch... Of corse I'm fucking him
I remember you banged her while I was dying on your couch, so good call
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