Facebook really needs to add a bikini picture profile tab for girls, it would really save me countless amounts of time!
Pretty sure my dad just walked in on me jerking off watching guys on webcam. Remember how I used to say "most awkward day of my life?" I'm retiring that phrase.
Dude has a bag of wine attached to his belt. These guys don't fuck around.
Operation Purity has been aborted
yeah its nbd she just bit me in the face. be there soon
Sorry I need more motivation then McDonalds and mojitos.
I told him he wasn't aloud to one word text me. Unless that one word was threesome
And then, I saw the prophecy come to fruition. It was the Dick of Destiny.
Just went to my first strip club and they had Fox News on. Conservative booty time.
I have a 8 minute video of a fish tank on my phone.
We need to stop going to pet stores high.
Sorry, that was mean and I didn't mean it. I'm just mad at condoms
I couldn't even tell you how many times I've said "wrong hole" today
We went from him going down on me to swapping baby pictures of our moms.
Literally just took 6 shots in the shower..I’ve got this.
Here's a rundown of my night alone. Danced my ass off in the kitchen to FleetmacWood. Drank a little bit. Ordered $40 worth of Chinese food once the drinks kicked in. Picked up said Chinese in dirty sweatpants and slippers. #livinglife
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