but, i was nude. you really should respect my stupidity and delete them. please.
how do chicks with those acryllic nails wipe their anuses?
He just randomly started talking about Haiti and Conan O'Brien and his grandpa's hip replacement operation. It was the worst phone sex I've ever had.
someone was throwing condoms at us.
no, they just magically show up around you.
You yelled "GET TO DA CHOPPA" and burst through her screen door and disappeared into the night. With the goose.
Listen, everyone has a price and mine is free taco bell.
I'm sorry I make you whore yourself out to him everytime I'm drunk and want mcdonalds.
Druken naked yoga : jus another ploy to keep your husbands eye in check
Got a traffic ticket on the way home.. Literally cost me $171 to give him a blowjob. I swear the officer could smell the cum in my hair.
While the bouncer was checking my purse, he found a bag of pasta noodles in it and asked me why I put them in my purse. I said to him: "So the guy knows I can cook."
like i literally can feel my uterus getting frustrated at me for not being pregnant.
A guy with a mustache poured a beer down your throat while you had a crippled boy named Sunshine riding your back
Welp last night I made out with the guy who slices my deli meat at publix. I'm sure there's a joke there but I'm too hungover to find it. Go noles.
Did you put candle wax on my balls last night?
I have never paid for drugs and I'm sure not going to start today especially on a holiday
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