i swear to god, this restaurant is playing a john tesh cover of a song from aladdin
Its like I was sleeping with a kid. His gum fell into my hair while sleeping and he just wanted to cuddle.
got so drunk i was kicked out of my own birthday party and tried taking a bottle of vodka with me
the girl walking home behind me started yelling and pointing "i want an ass like hers!" i feel vaguely accomplished.
I'm over this relationship. I'm just going to get drunk all day, wake up in a puddle of my own vomit again, and go on with my life
I will call him whatever I please, including flaccid dick on forehead guy but not limited to watermelon cunt head.
The shit I just took made me regret every life decision leading up to it.
Do you have paint?
Paint? I wish
OMG WHAT ARE YOU DOING
Drank for free all night and I'm not even sleeping w the bartender. What is this magic?
Who's the easier target... Bandages on the knees, tramp stamp, or bra showing? Not in the mood to work for it tonight.
I hope you get stoned and think that you're a seal in shark infested waters
Uh oh we had sex and I don't think I like him anymore help
I guess the weekly d&d orgies are treating you well
You grabbed my dick don't call me son
Guy just walked in with a 40 and a Honda steering wheel. Where the fuck am I?
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