She had a bottle of NAIR in her bathroom, but she clearly hadn't been using it.
I'm so high, I forgot to harvest my farmville crops....noooooooo.
Worst stoner tragedy.
I wish we never smoked. I'm literally laying in bed opening and closing my eyes, just hoping a hot dog stand will appear in the room.
She threw up everywhere and is crying about a fictional character who died on Grey's Anatomy
Now for something completely different: ive figured out how to eat a banana without insinuating something completely naughty
I sat alone in Buffalo Wild Wings eating chocolate cake on Country Western karoake night. The waiter asked me if I was ok. Twice.
Single handedly the worst sex I've ever had just went down. Its like we both laid there after word-less thinking about the other " could they be any worse in bed" ?
and now that ive poetically compared your vagina to a nuclear missile, I hope youre prepared for this date.
Haha...we lost by one cup to a guy w shitty facial hair. What makes me most mad abt the loss is that I could grow a better beard on my vag.
Can't decide if it was more awkward buying sheets together or disposing of them afterwards
AHHHHHHHHH. I LEFT A GLASS NEXT TO ME WHEN I FELL ASLEEP I'M SO SURE IT WAS WATER BUT NOW IT'S VODKA JESUS MADE A STOP
How the fuck do you get a noise complaint filed against you at 9:30am on a fucking Tuesday?
I need to leave my mind and my stupid vagina are having fight over who's right
just because he was passed out beside the toilet, didn't give you tge right to pee on him
my aim is off when im drunk
My dad just informed me that I may be entitled to $1700 worth of stimulus money... looks like that hitachi is coming sooner than later. Let's hope for the best!
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