It was kinda weird being the boss
Did you feel like Tony Danza?
a creepy fucking ass man came up and started raven cawwing in my ear... he said it was the raven mating call. i am officially freaked out
So.. My internet got red-flagged at work because i did a search on "midigit strippers las vegas" This may be hard to explain...
Ive waited a long time for a girl with prescriptions like yours.
She literally just cut half her hair off because she's tired of asking someone to hold it back when shes drunk and puking.
found out that hot proper business chick in my class A) did a bar crawl last 2 night and still showed up to class and B) is 19 and C) so not as proper as I thought D) is single. How the fuck does that work? Freaking superwoman.
We're gona eat taco bell and then take exlax and see who can hold it in the longest. Loser has to pay for drinks all weekend. You in?
He started screaming "fuck me I'm Ryan Gosling" and proceeded to pick up the smallest guy at the party and carry him to bed.
I don't know what to think. Also, I decided to take a bath...sorry in advance if I flood the bathroom.
When nipples stop being hilarious I'll stop getting them out in public.
It's the happiest looking penis I've ever seen. It should have a top hat and a spectacle on and soft shoe across the room with a cane. He's a cheery little feller.
You were hitting on girls while wearing the banana suit. When they rejected you you yelled "I gotta split anyway."
I renamed some of my contacts in my phone before passing out and I have one I cant figure out, its "fucking house elf scum"
Did my extra credit for a class I badly need to pass at the bar of Friday's.. kind of sum's up my college career. Got a 90 though.
Dude, the worst part is I can't even pretend it didn't happen because she posted a video of it on Facebook.
Randomize
