went to the bathroom to piss, saw puke in the toilet thought wtf i dont remember puking, then turned around to find a chick i've never seen before passed out in my shower.
sticking your finger down your throat to make yourself throw up is bulimia, not morning sickness, so no, I don't think you're pregnant.
She made me role-play everything from an older prof to a in-patient in need of a medical exam. Yay for cocaine.
God gave him joint rollers for hands
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
On an unrelated note, i found out who duct taped shoelaces to my face
Dude. I'm busy doing PR for America. FOR AMERICA. Europeans think we can't handle liquor.
I told her the only thing I had going for me was my huge cock. She said she was willing to overlook my other shortcomings.
At least I got to make out with you a little before you proposed.
I just spilled my beer on a five year old. She's crying but I can promise you I'm more upset.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
A guy in a gorilla mask got blown on the lawn. And then the night got weird.
I've got to stop fucking tourists. If Chicagos piazza is anything like their dicks. I'm moving.
I found more straws in my beard this morning. Please stop doing that.
As a friend tho, you have the biggest dick I've ever seen
I'm so sorry for trying to eat your puzzle last night...
I'd rather plunge my eyes out than acknowledge being related to either of my brothers
Randomize