My bed smells like naked
Haha. At least it doesn't smell like herpes
So much for the toy store...Not a butt plug in the entire place. See you tonight.
Just spent five minutes taking pictures of my hands for some random guy.
Thanks for reminding me why I talk about you behind your back. Get laid.
she's just sitting in a corner ripping all of the filters off her menthols
I Think it is all interconnected. Emma caused most of the nakedness
Weird we were more concerned with sharing our germs than tag teaming the blow job?
he kept yelling THIS ISNT AMATEUR HOUR
Am I texting you while being used as a stripper pole by two half-naked women? hint: I am.
Why is there an ambulance refusal in my pocket? I'm never going drinking with you again.
Gas station champagne. And before you say anything I'll have you know it's imported. From California. So get fucked.
When you're all settled in, text me, and I can sorta apologize for saying that your phone can suck my dick. What I really meant to say is that your Windows phone can suck my Android phone's dick.
I just fell down my stairs, guess that's how my sunday is gonna go
IT WAS JUST SO LITTLE AND AWKWARDLY FLOPPING BACK AND FORTH
I could have been on my second lucrative divorce by now, but nooooo, I had to be a strong independent woman.
Either my apartment is haunted or I'm far more drunk than I thought
Randomize
