did I really admit that id have sex with that cougar had I been more drunk?...ugh...i need to masterbate more
You can only be slapped by Eastern European waitresses so many times. I guess they don't want my huge cock in their iron curtain
So my mom just called me into her room and showed me a condom wrapper she found in my room. "Oh that's from when I was like 16." I don't think that was very comforting.
All I remember from last night is puking up a box of cheeze-its and the building catching on fire.
Alcoholism comes in two forms... Us.
Well I never thought in the future I'd be able to say "hey remember that Easter I made porn?"
what a fun peer-pressure-filled weekend
The last thing I remember is him yelling from across the room "WE FINISHED THE HANDLE!"
It was 11pm.
My goal is to be drunk before we even get out of the No Wake Zone.
You've never felt ridiculous until you've walked through downtown in a Viking costume
why isn't there a kind of gay where i let guys give me head but they don't expect me to give it back? i could be that kind of gay
He was that good?
HELL YEAH TIME TO KICK THE CHILDREN
Step 1: Buy a house Step 2: Turn bedroom into sex dungeon
It was like sex on an active volcano surrounded by the night sky and bloodhounds. And by that I mean it was nice.
Listen, yo... we need to have a serious conversation about this Dollar Store toilet paper. Because if I’m going to finger someone’s ass, it’s not going to be my own.
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