drinking colt 45 because lando calrissian told me to
I was thinking about baking his mom "sorry you found out i was sleeping with your son" cupcakes
my cabbie only has one arm...this can't be safe
The other. Cat spoke to me and left. This shit is laced
The first cat might save me but they are taking out masks
Yes, i finally made it. but let me tell you...i can smell myself right now in class right now, this scent is called alcoholism.
Hey, it's Thrasher! From the hospital!
My liver and I thought we knew what we signed up for. We were wrong.
So maybe putting the blacklight above the futon wasn't the best idea...
Escorted out of jimmy johns because I refused to leave with my dog. Stole a loaf of bread on the way out.
Take a good hard look at your life. And the number of 18-20 year olds that you have made out with in the last 6 months... and then keep doing whatever the fuck you want.
I don't think anything is more terrifying than the thought that you might shit your pants in front of your boss
She was a little thick, but we banged on the beach and fireworks went off as we finished so I think God wanted it
YOU CANT JUST BLOW GUYS BC THEY’RE NICE TO YOU LEXI
I CAN IF I WANT TO
Just got an exam care package consisting of only adderall wrapped in money. Score onr for mom.
last night i was way too drunk and i was forcing people to let me tell them about mammals
Randomize
