it was terrible. i could've done a better job by myself.
I'm not to broken up about it. Our relationship was worse than a coldplay song.
That's it, I refuse to live in a world where sparkly vampires beat Batman at anything.
Talking to a male stripper. About the LSAT. Only in Vegas.
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this dude just showed up to the party with a falcon
I was able to hide the fact that I had just shit in my pants, and then wupped her ass at FIFA
I had to sit there with his three fat aunts talking about a bunch of 50 Shades knockoff books.
I felt like a taxi, but my meter was running up minutes he would be eating me out that night.
Then that is decided. Fuck away my little bunny rabbit.
I'm going through what feels like a break up with beer. I'm emotionally distraught from it's lack of presence.
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My mom is selling her car. I'm secretly relieved I won't ever have to tell her about that time you puked in it
He ate a Doritos taco from my boobs. Does your boyfriend do that?
Just don't have sex while watching Home Alone. It will ruin Christmas for you.
I expect you will be there for a drunken 3way with my husband again this new year.
Girl. There is no more toilet paper. You should have seen the twerking I just did to shake the pee off.
I THINK HE DOES. OMG!!!!! OMG I FUCKED A GUY W A FAKE LEG AND I DIDN'T EVEN KNOW!!!!!!????!!!!!!!!!
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