i'm having a wet tshirt contest with myself and yet i'm still losing
Sometimes to bang a cougar u gotta play wii With her kids
When I stretch out her lips her vagina looks like a dolphin...this birthmark is awesome
I'm not going to need your "it doesn't mean you're a slut" pep talk after all.
Why not. Its my b-day, you're in town, I'm in town, bars are in town, and alcohol is in town. I don't see anything not good about those things.
You tried to luge a beer down a flip flop.
The only reason we got away with streaking last time was cuz we had those miner hats
Its ok. Im having a low day. About to mix cake mix with milk and drink it.
After the 3rd shot, she was running around singing, "Twinkle Twinkle Big Ol' Dick, on your happy place I'll sit" to your brother.
Put that bitch's torch out. She's been voted off.
Fyi, shaking your genitals at me doesn't count as "trying to have sex".
Fucked him in his sketchy van in the Applebee's parking lot. In other news, my dry spell is over.
I rewarded myself with Taco Bell tonight for going a full week without punching my roommates in the face or wishing bodily harm on them.
Should I tell him how he got the bruise on his ass or just enjoy his theories?
PokemonGo as navigation to get some at 5:13 AM. Life choices, yo.
Congrats! Its a fuck boy!
Randomize
