Why are you such a perv today?
This is a lot to handle
Oh shh
I'm kidding you prude take a joke
she gave me a schnouzer then wanted to kiss while we were having sex...i had to puppy slap her nose. pick me up out front.
He just screamed at her, "if you pass out i am still having sex with you!!!" In front of the entire party.
I sometimes forget that turkeys are alive even when its not Thanksgiving.
My grandma put hard boiled eggs on her lasagna. I'm not high enough for this.
Through drunken recall, I have managed to bring back awful memories of losing my virginity. And possibly traumatized my niece trying to get her to "learn from my mistakes".
Why is everyone in the bowling alley looking at me like i'm a prostitute just because I have bunny ears on?
He came to my house drunk at two a.m., got in the hot tub, refused to get out until he smoked a blunt, and said "That's what brothers and sisters are for."
He kept making me pretend I was his personal trainer. When I swallowed his cum he made me pretend I was drinking a protein shake. Thats actually what it tasted like.
I think my hand is broken. But his nose definitely is
Also, ran into my neighbor across the street. He told me about scheduling his vasectomy. We are officially way beyond the acceptable point for asking his name again.
I might have hooked up with a 2003 alumni last night in the basement
Dude you were ten when he graduated
Wahoowaaaaaaa
Well you could have stayed home, played house and got blow jobs all weekend babe, but we all have to live with our decision
I'm fucking my way through California and it's kind of fun.
My boss asked me what was wrong today and I really wanted to tell her I woke up too late to smoke a bowl before coming in
Let me guess you did your hair instead? Has anyone told you about priorities?
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