Get out...Run...Or there's going to be a dick in your mailbox
this guy at work is bossing me around at work. He is 24 and still has highlights and spikes his hair.
You're getting bossed around by a 1999 Highschool Yearbook picture?
He had on juicy sweatpants and thats when i knew he was no longer a threat.
My drug dealer asked me out. What's the protocal for this?
after eating me out, he asked for something to drink. i gave him a glass of water and he said he needed something stronger.
theres a kid face down in the middle of campus... people are going about their day and paying no attention to him
just found out this city drinks more beer during oktoberfest than rhode island does in a year.. i'm never leaving
i think when the guy sitting in the corner singing tells you you're too drunk, you're too drunk.
So apparently using the emergency exit of the bar as a bathroom is frowned upon in this establishment...
Me, him and the recently stolen carpet walked down the road and into the strip club. We had to check the carpet with our coats, it didn't mind missing out too much, later the door guy at Subway held carpet during late night sandwich selection.
at first i said "no rollerblading if I'm going to be drunk," but we all know how that went
My hangover didn't kick in until like 4pm so I found myself puking in the middle of Times Square. During rush hour. In a three piece suit. A spongebob came by and patted me on the back.
If it makes u feel any better my dick feels pretty tender dude
For 15 minutes straight, he literally did every accent there was, from Russian to Bostonian. The issue: no one could determine whether he was sober, wasted, or anywhere in between
Just reached for my phone in my non existant pocket while it was in my hand.
Randomize
