dude, i just saw a bobcat while i was rollerblading this morning
1 dont ever text someone @ 8am on sat. 2 dont ever admit to rollerblading past 1992.
that's an acceptable place to lick
So I thought I was doing pretty good and then I sneezed and prematurely ejaculated...
The bridesmaids just went smackdown on the floor, over the bouquet. I saw nipple. Best wedding ever
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The girl behind me in psych just tapped me on my shoulder to tell me there was a condom wrapper in my hood.
I wonder if he has realized that I have poured all if those shots he bought into the tip jar
I'm fucked up. I can't drink anymore. We stole a cat.
How sad is it that I'm looking in the farm & garden section of craigslist to find a weed dealer. I mean, that's where they'd be right? Just gotta break the code.
Put down the bong. Turn off Hey Arnold. Stop calling me football head.
I love you football head
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It's still 8am.
Yeah, but its wine drunk. WITH A DOCTOR. THAT MAKES MY MORNING CLASSY.
So last night I turned down multiple drinks because "I didn't want to hold them". It's time reevaluate my decisions
As soon as we had sex he stopped opening doors for me. That wasn't an exchange. Im still a god damn princess
i just added a shot of fireball to my iced coffee. goodbye sobriety.
its like i just tried to scrub the hangover off of me.
She needs to move out. Her mom interferes with my penis being touched
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