went in for an STD check and they referred me to an alcohol and drug councilor. kick me when i'm down.
FYI... At my funeral, it will be your job to throw yourself dramatically onto my casket.
i wish everyone could be as happy as the people in the laxative commericals
You dropped me off at the wrong girl's house.
There's no such thing as a "wrong girl" make it happen.
alright see you in the morning.
they need to just BURY HIM!
It's like the Sean Connery of vaginas. You don't mess with it.
so this chick screams out the name doug is bed..not to later do i find out doug is her vibrator
hello competition
I definitely recall eating shredded cheese out of the bag while you were wearing that apron.
I woke up to an email from Groupon for 3 laser lipo treatments...on Valentine's Day...way to kick me when I'm down Groupon.
I woke up this morning covered in blood and peanut butter. I am now safe from vampires with nut allergies.
I am a woman. I need to be selective about the porn I stream on my phone. Who knows if my cell will ever get lost, who will see it and what they'd think otherwise. Keepin' it classy tampa.
I'm about 95% it's a collapsed lung. Go big right?
Gonna play a drinking game called drink til I feel my emotions. The things I do so I can be a therapist
I'll call you on my way home
Oh my god I'm going to die between now and then... can you at least tell me if y'all hooked up???
For real his Facebook page says he studied "sexual arts" at some random college I've never heard of. You've been warned.
Randomize
