I told you I would drunk text you sometime........its that time.
You kept buying everyone Washington apple shots, and telling us we needed to support local produce.
I envy you so much. I get girls who pee on my floor and you get girls who leave in the middle of the night
drunk lawn darts. Let's test the homeowners policy
Well fuck that. I mean, I made out with my cousin once. Who gives a fuck.
I saw you eating fruit and doing shots off people passed out
A group of drunk Marines just serenaded me, never leaving this place
He just made my one night stand pancakes for breakfast. And I thought living with my ex was going to be weird.
Dude I should have just gone home with the guy with dreads and the cat
Well my grandma put the turkey in the oven for 4 hours and didn't have the oven on.
So it's ironically funny that my psychiatrist's office and my cocaine dealer's house are on the same street
You're wearing pigtails and giving away our kitchen appliances. Clearly, you're drunk.
I'm eating year old chocolate from the trash can. It was in a ziploc bag but still, this is a new low. Help me.
is it bad that there is a girl in my bed right now and the only thing i can think about is the fect that its after 3am which means i cant order jimmyjohns unitll tomorrow?
your mission the party friday: cockblock me at ALL costs. I've cheated on my boyfriend twice. I feel like three times would be crossing some sort of line...
and no, I don't care how how hot he is
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