If you get a breast reduction, you have to let me see them before hand at least once. It's a rule.
First off: I'm drunk so fuck you. Second: you weren't a bad girlfriend. Tres: thats 3 in spanish. Number 4: fuck 3 Doors Down
I sometimes forget that turkeys are alive even when its not Thanksgiving.
and i do it all in one night. I'm like santa but a whore.
So, I just sold my textbook to have money for Plan B.
You are the only person I know that goes to a bar enough to charge your iPhone there....
Also, turning on the light this morning was a 3 step process. Way too hungover.
First highlight of the semester: campus safety caught me peeing in the dirt parking lot by kappa. Then as they were about to write me up, they recognized me, laughed, and left.
I got about 15 snapchats from you with your hand saying "you want cheese sticks" or something like that and one of some weird looking weed
My new hobby is moving his stuff to random places in the house. Good luck making a smoothing at 6:30 in the morning, the blender top's in the dog food container
Finding an empty bathroom to shit on campus is like the quest for the fucking Holy Grail. Except with more stench and humiliation.
dont know if she was trying to start a lawnmower or jerk me off. still wasnt to bad though
Well, I got drunk and told my family about what I expected sexually after a good first date.
Worst wingman u don't do ANYTHING but laugh at my incompitant shyness
No bra. No panties. Makeup from last night. At work right now. I am trash.
Randomize
