So I'm stoned for 420, and have an eye doctor appointment in fifteen minutes
Are your eyes okay
I mean if I was Asian they would be
I like how she turned her beer into a wet t-shirt contest
hey can i play with your boom stick tonite? I'll let you shoot the love of jesus in my face.
come over
I showered today. Officially upgrading myself to useless.
I'm trapped in whichever ring of hell is populated by inbred yokels and type 2 diabetes.
our health teacher's ringtone is Bad Romance and she has a tramp stamp. i will not skip this class, ever.
I need to write the inventor of adderall a thank you note stapled to a copy of my degree
Is it bad that on the course evaluation it said "do you normally try harder than other students in class" and i circled "absolutely false"?
we found him in the shower with a bottle of jose saying "this is Mexico's fault"
apparently drunk me likes to play hide the puke.. was not a fun time washing all my legos.
I'm not gonna lie; I was dosed with mushrooms and am eating pickles with a guy in all white. It's weird, but I'm down. Help.
We were supposed to hurry because the restaurant closed at 9. I ended up giving him a blow job so we had to eat at Arby's instead.
Update: drank half a bottle of Bourbon and texted three ex's. Waiting for the roommates to go to sleep so I can raid the fridge.
Black labs can get you to do pretty much anything...even approach strange men in their bath robes
I went with vodka instead of tequila tonight so I make better decisions. Fool proof plan.
Randomize
