So I'm stoned for 420, and have an eye doctor appointment in fifteen minutes
Are your eyes okay
I mean if I was Asian they would be
That poor girl was naked and had to be at a job interview in an hour
Just incase you were wondering, the count of ladies who have perioded on chairs at our fine restaurant is now at 3.
Oh god. There is a bite mark in the bar of soap. Please tell me I was not that wasted.
we were both as far on opposite edges of my bed as possible this morning. id say work is gonna be a little uncomfortable from now on
Just so you're aware, tomorrow is "Slow Clap when you see Mike" day.
Nothing like buying a handle and a 36 pack with a baby strapped on.
Called my dealer in tears and we talked for an hour until I felt better. That's the way it should be.
I'm in Starbucks carrying the boxes wine and the hubcap. So many judging looks.
i swear, you were born with a blunt in one hand and somebody else's wallet in the other.
Why is my vagina being sacrificed for yours? I'm sure he would take a piece of you too. Your turn.
She got engaged last night. I don't think you should ask her out man.
Because I'm currently dying, lacking waffles, and vaguely convinced I'm an eagle
Did my dad just see you doing a walk of shame?
Yup I waved.
6 hours ago I jacked off a a guy for $100. I explained it away as "compensation" for gas and tolls. WHAT am I doing with my life? Quickest and easiest $100 I ever made though, haha
Randomize
