If I see one more commercial for The Secret Life of the American Teenager, I'm going to punch the next teenage girl I see in the uterus and scream, "Wear a condom!"
he just asked me if he could show me what he wanted to do to me using his action figures. where do i find these freaks?
So I made him an imaginary sandwich and told him that the day I didn't have to fake it, neither would he.
if I want to go home with a foreign boy, please feel free to let me go, sober me gives you permission to let drunken me do it
Well on the bright side, I only need a sophomore to complete the fuck-a-guy-from-every-year-challenge.
I feel like the way dolphins mate would be the approach that a guy would have to use in order for you to sleep with them
It's gotten so bad I typed my will out on my phone in case it's over.
I have this terrible fear I might accidentally text a pic of my dick to my grandma
Also the girl beside me smells like she's been in a deep fryer.
It's so hard to fall asleep when I can hear your genitals smacking against hers. I hate you with all the love in my heart.
There I was, puking into the toilet, and he was rubbing my feet, buck naked. I feel like a drunk Disney princess.
My roommate walked in on my inserting a tampon. Somehow, I don't think this will be improving our relationship.
The vodka gummy bears are so strong. If I die of alcohol poisoning, please tell my dad it was single malt scotch.
While finding our clothes afterwards he says..."So do we like have to talk after this?"
omg last night while walking home from your house I stole a seatless bike and carried it into my next door neighbors kitchen.. we just looked It up online it's an antique and worth $500 dollars
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