Getting food. Want anything?
Vagina. Double meat no buns. I have the secret sauce
I want to make a zoo with you.
the best thing about dollar beer night is beer is only a dollar.
Can you please tell me why there's a bottle of urine on my night stand with a note that says "in case you're thirsty in the morning"? Thanks.
An alarm set every 45 minutes saying "FATTY" and one every afternoon saying "CASPER" every day until spring break is a foolproof plan to being bikini ready
He looks like Ryan Reynolds from this angle
Since when is drunk an angle?
How many beers are too many "cause it's Archer Thursday" beers?
Went to the strip club with my aunt. Do you know how hard it is to be a pervert in front of your female family members?
i woke up the next morning in a pool of blood in my bathroom and a pinata donkeys head in my bed
so much for an anticlimactic 22nd birthday
My phone autocorrected your name to "grownup." that couldn't be more inaccurate. I'm getting a new phone.
Yeah..I guess you know your hair looks like shit when TSA asks to inspect it
We peed on campus in the middle of the tailgate and then hit on a married cop that asked you to stop touching him
And here I thought that was one nut sack too many
I'm so sad at the lack of dick in my life I am going to get sauced and make rice krispy treats
Dude I had my dad cock block me once
Randomize
