Can you tell me why I have pubes stuck in my teeth?
My boobs are too big for things to be going this downhill in my life.
You just kept rubbing her head and repeating "I really like your head, I want your head..." over and over for like 10 minutes straight... And she didnt even stop you.
He just said "wow, thats some rly nice hair! And those teeth..thosee are some cool teeth"
Is it too much to ask that he stop calling me 'titty fuck' in public?
Try and take me seriously and don't look directly at my hair or the jizz on my pants.
I just found out my college boyfriend's nickname is actually a Dutch word for little cucumber.....it all makes sense now.
She told me she was eating frosting, then I got the weirdest boner ever
I owe you cheese. The drunk munchies don't acknowledge food ownership.
Damn why is there no horse blowjob emoji?
I felt like the hulk waking up from a black out except with munchies
I just made my mom buy me lube. I've reached a new level of broke.
My boss and I ended up at the same strip club. We both got lap dances while talking about work.
So many questions so I’ll prioritize. How did I survive last night?
Dude someone puked in a bowl n put it in the fridge. I thought it was salsa! Who does that?
Randomize
