I heard you aren't going to graduate...that suck sorry bro
I heard your girlfriend is trying to spread swine flu because she wants to wear one of those masks to cover up her broke ass teeth
Why does it say "go to Planned Parenthood tomorrow" on my dry-erase board?
He's gotten way too comfortable around me. He came into the bathroom and took a shit while I was in the shower.
For the record, a bath beer is far superior to a shower beer...
True. She actually gives a fuck. A quality looked down upon if she wants to be one of us
The liquor store wont accept checks from us anymore.
Because you know it would be fucking amazing to get trashed and shatter the dreams of 12 year old girls. I might get a shirt.
I'm drinking and throwing an enormous tennis ball at children. I couldn't be happier.
I got kicked out of the bar for suggesting that the bartender drop her tits into my Redbull instead of the usual liquor
HE'S LICKING FROSTING OFF OF THE EIGHTEEN YEAR OLD BOY
And suddenly....Tubas. Tubas everywhere.
im questioning your sanity while also accepting your reality
I made it 1 week... 5 business days at my new job before sleeping with my coworker.
So what's the protocol on sending your exes new wife a baby shower gift that says "thanks for getting him the hell out of my life, please keep him there!"?
I swear we were drugged last night
We had a 130$ tab bitch. We drugged ourselves.
Randomize
