people and things i regret. that's what i want to do tonight.
i just heard my neighbor say from outside my window "i don't give a shit what he does, what the hell am i gonna do with my son's penis?"
I am not hooking up with him just to see what his penis looks like.
Why is there a living, breathing cow on your front porch?
I just got a ticket for the snow penis we made in our front yard.
just found my diary from when i was 14. i demand a drinking game of this.
I've blown him so many times I feel like I have a better relationship with his dick than I do with him.
and let me tell you something, handcuffs are surprisingly uncomfortable when they arent being used in a sexual manner
the night probably should have been over when the guy let her fill out my mechanical bull waver for me because i couldn't read
You're worse than that girl who made out with her cousin at that party
That was you...
You poured your drink on him and called him a "useless cocksucker" because he wouldn't give you a ride home... on his skateboard
I walked a mile in this weather wearing nothing but a toga. Zero fucks. Your move Mother Nature.
Well I'm about 60% wine, 30% pure rage and 10% tears at the moment and I'm disappointed in how little alcohol is in me
he offered me cocaine within 5 minutes of my arrival. yes of course i'm keeping him
I seriously just had to blow dry my thong.
Randomize
