Just once id like a girl to say to me in the dracula voice, i want...to suck...your dick...
i just went to use the bathroom this morning and I couldn't because there was someone puking in every stall. i'm going to miss the dorms this summer
ah. the first shower back home is like a baptism from the sins of the past year
I'm partying with my neighbors right now, and by "with my neighbors" I mean they are partying in their backyard and I'm partying in mine, and by "partying" I mean I'm sitting here alone drinking tequila.
You'd think me telling him that I'm a lesbian would make him realize that I don't want to hook up with him.
5am is far to early to be on jagerbomb number 6 right now
I don't know if you remember, but I was only wearing an afghan.
Why is your name written on my hand surrounded by hearts and a bartenders phone number?
When I said 'i love my boyfriend' I didn't mean 'send me a picture of your penis'.
Post walk of shame: realized the underwear I put on when I left was another girl's underwear.... woof
Goldenshlager is a hell of a drink. And these are the adventures ur missing out on w me. I gave someone a bath Emily. A BATH.
Awkward
Can't say I wouldn't let it happen again.
Yeah she let me pull the goalie and wear my USA flag like a cape since it was the first day of the world cup
How does one take the "you're the best sex I've ever had but I'm marrying someone that's sub-par in the sack" mind fuck?
I pity the fool.
Thanks Mr T.
I believe the only reason I am slightly functional right now is the leftover drugs in my nose that I keep sniffing
If you needed to get laid tonight all you had to do was ask
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