I would never have sex with Danny Devito!! JSYK.
I'm pretty sure we've had sex a bunch more times than we've hugged. So hugs are weird when they happen.
If I wanted to fuck someone, I'd go for John. I'm meeting Bryan cuz I wanna get to know him better. And eventually fuck him. But not this Tuesday.
I've realized that my life is in no way structured to be compatible with monogamy. I'm not adjusting to this well.
I keep telling girls I work at the carnival and then guessing their weights. I'm pretty sure I'm about to get kicked out.
Man, I wish they all looked like that. Your vagina deserves to have a nice frame around it, and God's signature at the bottom.
You made a course evaluation for your vagina? Wow. You really are a professor now.
And then you told me I had large hands and looked like a girl who would have an illegitimate child that I never talked about
Did you hook up with him before or after he shaved off half of his eyebrow?
My saliva right now is around 7.6% alcohol/volume.
On a scale of one to liver failure, how bad would it be if I played thunderstruck alone?
God I need to stop before there's a picture of my dick on my mom's phone.
I'M GOING TO FUCK AN ENTIRE ORCHESTRA AND NOTHING CAN STOP ME
The band club does not count as an orchestra
Officially spring today. First sighting of loud-ass Steller Jay on the balcony.
my Mom is now my Eskimo sister... she fucked my ex in my bed and took a selfie
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