dude why did you let me call her?!
i told you it was a bad idea and to quote you exactly, you said "no, it's a good idea..that's what people do when they love each other." you met her 15 minutes prior to that conversation...
I got "discovered a new religion high" last night
You even been so high breaking up weed with your fingers feels like surgery?
I don't know if it was the room or her, but as soon as the pants came off, it smelt like a locker room and old man farts.
i wrote down the address for planned parenthood on the back of the receipt for the condom that broke
Ya I got a cut on my head from the toilet seat last time I drank there.
on a brighter note, the cop thought i could kick adams ass if it came down to that and said he had $20 on me if it ever happens
A BJ like that needs to be recommended.
It's a gay bachelor party, it's not like dignity is to be expected
Glad to know I rate above a cabbage on the parenting scale.
We had sex in the morning in pregnant lady position. Like fuck me like the hott piece of ass that I am, not your wife of 7 years.
He wants me to tell you "my boner misses you"
Damn you are the highwater mark of the naked women in my life. Like idk what lined up but yeah.
I'm so high I have morphed into the monopoly man. Or maybe the Pringles guy. I don't know but I have a mustach now
We were playing fuck marry kill and he was eavesdropping so I said I would fuck him
It was like catching dick in a barrel
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