you went up to their shower, tripped in it, accidentally turned it on and then claimed that you like to "test everyone's showers"
over or under 1pm before my bracket is too blurry to read?
I feel like hell. The amount of black beans I found in my hair tells me I hit rock bottom
New justification for blow: drug week; 'how it's made'
He just asked me if I'd be interested in couples therapy. Fuck my life.
That's where the buck stops? Buying girlfriends online? THAT is where you draw the line?!
Roommate just came in drunk and tweaked out because my tv has a DVD player built in. Waaaaaayyyy too sober for that conversation.
You passed out with your mouth on the faucet, straddling the keg, with your arms wrapped around it
trying to figure out what happened last night by looking around the apartment.
naked man under the piano. THE PLOT THICKENS.
Totally shot down my boss for sex today. Approaching this weekend with a clear conscience and an untouched vagina.
Ok, now help me add to my topless picture collection, i'm going to make myself a calendar
I'm over here willing to be the Yoda of fucking but I guess he just doesn't want to be a Jedi.
Have you ever wondered if we are just made up characters in someone's head? You'll have to forgive me right now I think I have 7 thumbs
There's nothing like a guy talking about your vagina as if it's delicious food to make your day better.
Two questions: Did you enjoy your birthday present and how did i wake up with glitter all over my dick?
Randomize
