chick im bringing home just asked our cab driver if she could do a line off his turban. i think im in love - or trouble.
he was wearing sponge bob boxers. Guess how long he lasted.
At the Phils game. My gay buddy just wanted up to a bunch of Mets fans and said "I'm gay, and even I think Mets fans are a bunch of fags." I love this fuckin town.
I'm either too drunk or not bisexual anymore
Ya I guess he's not a bad roommate. I mean if he wasn't here I would probably be more lazy and pee in bottles and stuff.
There's never a time that i stay at this apartment that when i wake up in the morning and sit outside to smoke a cigarette that i don't feel ashamed of myself.
His thanks his mom for not having an abortion at his wedding toast. I love frat weddings.
Luckily my prof thought I was puking from nerves and gave me motivational mini speeches the entire final.
I'm serious. My alarm label is "BAR TABS" as motivation for me to wake up in the morning and go to work.
First roommate to find me and dance with me will live. Battle Royale.
So I've been in more fights on one leg than I've had on two.
Do I get bonus points if I get lockjaw after a cosmic blowjob?
this is an emotional support booty call
He left cushions on my floor, chocolate on my bra and unexplained scratches on my thighs. I think this one might get a second date.
You let the ASEXUAL teach sex Ed?!
Randomize
