conclusion of the day: americans need to get on tredmills, people need to learn how to flush toliets and learn how to pee in then instead of on them, and waiters shouldnt tell their life stories to customers.
we sat in the hammock and pretended we were skydiving for three hours. jack actually started crying when i convinced him his chute didnt open.
You were mumbling a lot and offered me 20 dollars to leave you alone
Why the FUCK can i grow hair on my big toes but not on my chest?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just had some guy offer to eat me out on my lunch break... I think single life is getting better everyday
Maybe you shouldn't go to cosmic bowling, i don't know if cum glows and I don't wanna find out i'm sure his parents don't either.
the last thing I heard was you screaming as the rodeo team herded you to the next party
I think that means you're growing up...when your coke nail becomes your opening mail nail.
Showering in not my own throw up is really hittin the spot right now.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You don't marry someone you don't want to fuck senseless this is 2014 dammit
I saw seagulls fucking earlier today. What have you done with your life recently?
My tinder date had to be home by 8:30 cause she's on house arrest.
Literally sucked a dick for ten seconds before I said to myself, this tiny ass penis isn't worth it. My night last night
You started yelling about vegans ruining the world. Because we drove past some cows eating grass.
You were cussing me out in sign language, and slurring your signs.
That's some kind of record drunk there...
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