i wish mother nature was an actual person cause i'd bitch slap her for sure
Dude!! Mom just asked me why you have 'boobies' hahaha
I hate my life
This is worse than the time I broke into Subway to steal bread.
I told her I'd give her some of the cream I was using so she didn't get my warts. That's when I realized I was too drunk.
i will replace your cream cheese. there's enough for breakfast. you are my friend. i had guests we wanted bagels so bad im sorry. i left you notes. i love you. you have enough for a bagel or two and i will get you more. you are so pretty.
He was with one girl when I went to bed, wad with another when I woke up and now he just told me he was with a 3rd in-between last night and this morning. Jesus Christ.
This is the 4th time we've hooked up, and this morning we woke up, he got out of bed and left. Left me alone in his apartment with 3 of his friends. Without even a word. Why do i like this guy?
Also, drinking coors light. Fuck that. Fuck that in the fucking face.
you'll be horrified to know he's visiting next weekend
You two are a rollercoaster of sex and silence.
Nothing like playing hide and seek with a state patrol officer early in the morning to get your heart rate up.
MAN I GOT NO SLEEP AND HAD A BREAKFAST OF SKITTLES AND ASPIRIN. I'M LIVING THE LIFE.
I finally got the glitter off in time to get to the party and bang the bday boy in the bathroom while his girlfriend was lighting the bday cake candles.
Yeah probably not. I have a hair appt, a gun class, and hopefully a boy to fuck. I'm booked.
I can't ever look his wife in the eye again. She will see right through my soul to his dick pic.
Why do I know about what dicks have been in your mouth but didn't know you had a dog? What kind of friends are we??
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