Just hooked up on shake weight girl's dad's porsche. What are YOU doing with your life?
I'm standing in line at the liquor store and they're making popcorn.
You rode him down the last flight of stairs like a human sled.
On that note I give you a 10 for sticking the landing and staying on the whole ride.
that's probably because you left your arm in the fishtank for 90% of the night
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Also I spent like 2 hours on the hubble/nasa website sunday night looking at pictures of outer space and cried my face off at how beautiful and complex it is. What's wrong with me?!
We now know how the night ended in arrest according to the flip camera I did 10 handle pulls and beer bonged a 40. My life choices are getting worse and worse this is your fault.
My last google search of the night was "Things that cost $102.50"
Oh my goodness please please please my inner slut needs some pampering, shes getting rusty and nothings worse than a rusty slut
I think mark twain said that originally
finding an unopened condom on the ground can really change your outlook on the night
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Well, my family didn't see me in my drunken super slut state at Summerfest, so there must be a God.
I am now "wine pairing" tums flavors with my strongbow, because apparently hard cider gives me heartburn.
I FOUND THE LEGS
I don't want to be drunk any more. Can you hit the off switch?
Right?? Give me some apple scented candles and I'm a fall wet dream
he had DANDRUFF in his PUBES. 0/10 would not blow again.
Randomize