when she started arguing that Girl Talk was in fact a DJ, i knew i could never sleep with her
I swear, if I find out you're lying, I'm going to put your name on one of those herpes watch websites and put the link up on every social networking site in existence.
We went to the police station completely hammered looking for you. Don't tell me I'm not a good friend.
Nothing screams don't date me louder then having your baby as your profile pic
She sent me a text saying she picked out 17 different Halloween costumes for our kids when they hit the age of 4... The cling factor should have me running right now but honestly I'm just curious
masturbating while the coffee brews is the new power nap
You were telling the cab driver that you believe in him and just to follow his dreams
Bang-toberfest begins!!
I dnt think she needs convincing on the threesome part, it's the threesome with your roommate situation that needs some work
I told you, I'm taking a sledgehammer to your walls. Fuck your walls.
I'm Batman.
You're officially the most high maintenance man I've ever had inside me.
I woke up this morning wearing his boxers as a shirt
We got drunk, we had raw sex and we discussed about the showrunner change in Doctor Who, in that order.
Come over.
Look lady I can't have sex with you EVERY day. I have things to do.
Whose the chick running for dorm president promising bigger dicks and softer toilet paper? That’s who I m voting for
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