thus making me awesome and them whores
five shots of tequila, anal and 3 cigarettes. not my best idea on a saturday afternoon.
Call me pathetic, but saying "tits for ireland" is working out really well on chatroulette today.
He's doing the 1:45AM lap: he goes around the bar, finds the hottest crying girl 15 minutes before close, and brings her home. I would feel bad for the girls if it wasn't such incredible genius.
you have no chance. her best friend is a human abstinence poster.
Maybe it's cuz you slapped him with a pancake last night
You crawled through a doggy door 5 times for a shot if cheap vodka.
Downloaded the Pocket Penguin app. There are now penguins living in my phone. Technology is wonderful.
someone needs to name a hurricane after you
He asked me if I wanted to blow his whistle and proceeded to pull out an actual whistle.
We just banged and he's microwaving shrimp noodles and I'm eating tostitos alone in the dark this is why our relationship works
I've peed outside too many times in just this past week
sorry I called you to cry about the state of the neopets economy
I thought I'd never say this, but if I had to choose between these cookies and sex, it would be these cookies
The neighbor just poured gasoline on his 2 brush fires and proceeded to shoot Roman candles at them 🤔
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