I woke up at 2 in my clothes with a defrosted steak in my pocket, no drinky this week at all.
Is it standard protocol to defriend someone after they give you chlamydia?
These fall allergies are really hindering my cocaine habit.
One night stand. Woke up at her dad's house. She already left for work. Shit's about to go down.
she looked at me completely serious and said "orgasms are 15% Stronger during a hurricane" and started to take all her clothes off
I just want to jump into a ballpool of dicks now.
some chick tossed a drink in your face at the bar last night. your mouth was opened so i think you ended up swallowing at least half of it. good job.
I have no words
Neither did my mom, when she walked in on me squating with my balls in a cup of hot water.
I walked in and saw him spread eagle on the couch beatin it, while he just pet the dog that sat there and stared. mom was pissed
Only thing worse than going to work with a hangover is going to work with a hangover then realizing that u don't have to work that day
He leaned off the deck, puked a waterfall of beer, looked back at everyone and said "it was just a burp".
Remember when we used to go to the bathroom to do drugs together? Now it's to help you with your spanx.
fucked a girl in Bentley hall at ten tonight, came on the carpet and I plan on doing it in another building soon. Watch where you walk
Awareness is good for change and all, but ignorance is bliss. I like bliss.
Alex I've come up with a new medical condition. dick depression. it's a real thing and I have it
Randomize
