Just found a picture of a hobo making out with her tits...a HOBO
this is your 3rd pregnancy scare in 2 years, I think its time for you to re-evaluate the whole 'im a lesbian' thing
Omg 230 lb butch lesbian with a mustache grabbed my dick. I need an adult
I was an emotional waste case that night. She made me stroke her ponytail.
Apparently you can talk a girl into leaving the bar and coming back to your tent, who knew?
I drink way too much to have a type. Last weekend I picked up a guy who calls me "baby girl"
Dude you were so high some kid was kicking the wall and you were convinced it was your heartbeat
Due to the events of st patties day last year I created a moral and ethical policy so that I won't get kicked out of the bar again. It mostly consists of not wearing pants so then I don't take them off at the bar.. and subsequently get kicked out.
Someone downtown drunkenly stole the antenna off of her car... while she was driving.
Some kid just popped open a giant PBR and walked into his final...
Yo, how much weed can I get for a caf swipe?
I was a bouncer for about 90 seconds until the real bouncers figured out that I was doing their job
Great news. I WILL BE FUCKING IN A BOUNCY HOUSE TOMORROW.
Just so you know. And I'm telling you this because I care deeply for you. Blue raspberry poptarts taste exactly the same as the regular raspberry ones.
Get here now. There’s a guy dressed as Captain Morgan handing out miniature bottles of Captain Morgan.
Randomize
