Didn't tell him I was on my period. Then had to surreptitiously remove some uterine lining from his cock.
so i woke up on my toliet naked backwards. good night.
Just had a drunken guest at my hotel threaten to "throw a fuckin fireball at my face"
Bad idea. College students cannot afford both alcohol and a cat. Unless said cat is irish, and can feed itself with fifths of whisky.
I just asked the contractor building my house what it would cost to put a garbage disposal in all the shower drains...there was a lot of judging going on.
Mmmhmmm sure, nice try, but there's certain wounds that only bj's can heal
malibu coconut giveth, and malibu coconut taketh away
She just kept saying "bless your heart" to him while he cried because he came so fast. I think a Texas woman was just what he needed
your fridge is broken, your sock drawer is full of snow, and you flipped off the whole stadium on the big screen. I'd say it went well.
you ate the make a wish sign. Like actually chewed on it. It was our solution to going outside when the cops were there
It was marvelous. I was drunkenly conversing with my professor in some of the best Spanish I've ever spoken.
Did you leave ur panties in the sink?
Kitchen or bathroom?
She always used to joke about becoming a stripper. WHO'S FUNNY NOW?!
Well. Another one of my exes came out of the closet.
Yah. I'm gonna lay you down and feed you grapes, except I'm gonna replace grapes for my balls
Randomize
