Viking lives by an ancient code of honor that we do not understand.
What code could that possibly be? Bothering the fucking shit out of people while being physically repulsive?
well on the bright side, he charges $60 for an eighth
so he'll probably take me somewhere nice
sometimes i just want to live alone. my roommate keeps looking at me weird like hes never seen a girl eat plain salt before
Tonight has been like a good ass fucking high school movie
the guy at the pet shop just had an eye seizure while looking at my chest
she got to the point every few minutes she checked to see if her boobs were still there.
I jerked him off and then punched him in the face for no reason. Typical evening drinking Sailor Jerry's.
EVERYONE CAN HEAR YOU FUCKING YOU ARE IN A TENT
you were trying to convince me that you weren't drunk by grabbing my shoulders, looking deeply into my eyes and saying "i can see your sparkle"
do you know how hard it is to bring up the "what do I do if you conk out while we're fucking" conversation while maintaining the dignity of.the narcaleptic girl you just met?
SEX BINGO!
Canadian or clown?
so this maintenance guy stood at the corner of my cubical and scratched his balls for like a full minute cause he thought no one could see him
Just found an airplane bottle of whiskey and I didn't put it in my coffee. I think I deserve a little recognition this morning.
Do you remember me asking for jerk off videos from Tinder guy?
Nah I don't remember that being part of the criteria
She pregamed while taking a shower. Came out clean and drunk.
Randomize
