If there is ever a next time, care about me enough to lube it up no matter what my drunk ass says
Do you know my vagina holds 14 pints of water?
I twisted my ankle last night doing a super high five with 3 inch heels on.
I just saw the nastiest chick.
Where?
woke up next to her... fuck you jack daniels, fuck you
they just tried to tell me they weren't big into drugs. A) it was the 70's. B) I've seen the pictures.
They have beer in plastic boots. How am I supposed to resist that?
why is my new profile picture on Facebook one of me with a bunch of strangers on an elevator?
It's not a good hook up if during you're thinking "how will this damage me psychologically"
The only thing I accomplished today was naming the bag of wine I've been drinking
What's more awkward than your little brother in law screaming, "I SAW YOUR TITTIES" at the breakfast table?
His step dad chiming in on the jokes.
Apparently I'm not allowed to call at 3am anymore and ask to speak to all his siblings. I was just trying to get to know the family
Our first time hooking up was on New Years and we've managed to hook up every holiday since, I'm hoping this lasts until 2016 just to fulfill my American Holiday sex fantasy I never knew I had
I fucked a French man last night. 5 Times. Ashed my cig in his cactus. That later set on fire while we were having sex.
I think every girl deserves a pregnancy scare. Because then it just feels like such a priviledge to be bleeding out of the vagina.
I legit just did a jig towards my box of tampons.
I may just have to resign myself to life in flats. He's a sexy little chipmunk that worships me.
Randomize
