just once id like to meet someone on craigslist who isnt fat
I mean, it really isn't YOUR car until you have sex in it.
I miss old school porno. There just isn't any love in porn these days.
You missed practice last night. You owe at least 8 hours of liver sprints.
By 11 pm the pants were off and there was no turning back. But on the bright side, you promised me your CDs when you died, you even signed a napkin saying so.
I'm about 95% it's a collapsed lung. Go big right?
Apparently when it was last call I jumped up on the bar and told everyone to get the fuck out, which was immediately followed by a round of applause from the bouncers/bartenders and my tab getting paid as well.
Look, the coffee machine died a noble death. It was the way it would have wanted to go. It was a mercy exploding, really.
My actions are not mine. They are the actions of Patron.
At leat we can cross off 'having sex in a classroom' on our bucket list.
Yes. I'm realizing that sports games are good reasons to drink. I just cheer when everyone else cheers.
Idk what I'm more afraid of...checking my bank account or my STD results.
It's very disconcerting to wake up and she is gone. I never know where she could be. It's like playing wheres Waldo but Waldo could potentially be drunk and wandering around in weird places that normal Waldo's don't go.
Like if I exploded right now there would be cum and fajitas everywhere.
Fuck you, i'm all jacked up on bananas lets go somewhere
Randomize
