New high or new low? Cat walked into the bathroom while I was taking a #2, looked @ me, sneezed and walked out..
Why are we friends again?
Nailed a drunk college girl before the CU game Saturday, and a drunk married woman after the Broncos game Sunday.
Some perfection is debatable.
So, you didn't have time to come pick me up but you did have time to get plastered and then write "champagne money" on every one of my statuses for the past month?
So....maintenance found the bullethole.....
Just smokin in the creek with some deer, they like the smoke, I know.
Dude, chad is laying across the room, violently, passionately, pornographicly eating something and I seriously think the 'some thing' is fighting back.
after he went down on me he said he wanted an air freshener for his car scented like my vag. i cant even.
I could just tape a camera with a live feed to my head & you could check in on me from time to time
He's on the bus now and took off his Amish hat so just his long ginger beard is present. Goodbye, majestic Amish ginger. Go forth and represent your minority well.
The blow job award ceremony was a little much. You guys didn't need to call out what happened the night before.
What? How can you say that? You won!
All I've had to eat today are potatoes...and by that I mean vodka and chips
He goes from zero to fucking up in 2.4 drinks. Like the sportscar of bad decision making.
I gave your mom a discount on her coffee, its my way to say thanks for having a son that makes me come every time
How was your night?
Good. I made people cry and run home
About that photo of the cake you just sent. You do realize it’s on a glass table, right? We can all see your reflection in it, and you’re very obviously naked.
Randomize
