Don't interrupt me, I have a limited time to be high and thus be remarkably good at Pac Man
My entire childhood was an ugly sweater party
We'll cross that bridge when we come to it... Or burn it. Either way we'll deal with it later
He was carrying a rolled up carpet saying he was saving it for tomorrow's Walk of Fame.
I had to convince you not to write "happy birthday to the first guy who fingered me" on his facebook wall, right above the post from his current girlfriend's mother.
Tonight's trip to the ER was brought to you by, "fork jousting."
you flashed my boyfriend last night so i tackled you to the floor. you may be a bit sore.
My entire summer has consisted of being too drunk for this shit, too sober for this shit, or too hungover for this shit.
I thought my period ended but I felt it again as soon as Pitbull started playing
I wish I could remember her name, I mean we fucked and all, but it woulda been nice to tag her in the instagram pics.
he used the hotel microwave to cook the 16" pizza he bought at the walmart deli
He used a "food city great value" card to cut it
I'm surprised I don't have a permanent face imprint between my boobs.
dude, I felt like being high in a Santa hat and eating five boxes of cookies was right for today.
He broke his arm in a fistfight with the bouncer. it was neat.
Everythings in imax form. Space oddessys are formed. Adventure at every moment and everything is epic. My mouth hass lemons. Yum.
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