we went to the store to buy cookie dough and conditionally went straight towards the booze
the kid throwing up and laying face down on the deck just asked ME if I'M okay...
Joe decreed the livingroom and the hallway up to the burn mark his kingdom. I think this is the point of 'stage an intervention'
Climbing through a window thats four feet off the ground isnt the easiest thing when youre high, trust me.
Stories of my weekends have cause divorces, are you sure you wanna hang out?
Gold rum. Strong marijuana. Jabba the Hut in stilettos. Deep thigh bruise. Yes, thal all happened. Sorry dude.
So his mom walked in the kitchen while I was sucking him off and just casually suggested that "I'd need a glass of water after that"
She face-timed me on the toilet. My dick is never going to recover from that.
Dude, you were dipping oreos in vodka and asking people to try it, "It's so good!"
Dude. It's not even nine. I don't know yet.
Drink number four. Don't even tell me about its not even nine
Made eye contact with a friendly neighborhood dog walker while violently puking out the window. How's your Wednesday going?
I ended up in bed with a man from London in a sorority wing I am not apart of. Tequila fucks you up
holy shit I was not prepared for her to whip out that dildo
the night literally screamed "cock and ball torture"
Nothing kills the mood like opening another guy’s dick pic in bed
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