I need a shot of tequila, and quick death
she had condoms in her med. cabinet - magnums -I don't think I'm tall enough for this ride
He brought over a 20 dollar bottle of wine. Who does that? This is college.
We'll see haha. The cum didn't work...I just chewed the whole thing in a day.
I hope you meant gum...
I don't understand how anyone could look at him and think, 'Yeah, that's a good idea.'
You know whats sad? As I walk past the campus daycare i cant help think, look at those drunk mistakes
you kept say ridiculous things then repeating them in perfect classical latin. You are onee intelligent drunk
normally i would apologize for my drunk texting but even sober me agrees.
you kept introducing yourself to guys as "never going to happen"
We could supplement the Tour with Edward Andre-hands. Because 40s are for the 99%.
We found her. She's owling on the sink in the bathroom.
It's like refusing a bong hit from michael phelps... You just can't do it
The last thing I remember from that party was me shouting "hold my feet I'm going in strapped like Rambo"
Had to drive my booty call home because he had an asthma attack after we had sex .. How was your night?
The night went downhill somewhere between the time I was triple fisting smirnoff and when I was throwing up in the yard in nothing but my bra while he talk to me about mashed potatoes
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