Tonight, I'm planning on being a bigger trainwreck than Britney Spears circa 2007.
let's skip the party, and just play drunken wii, again. its time to give my vag a break.
Her breakfeast in bed consisted of half a pop tart that I didn't want, and water that I slipped birth control into... Who says chivalry is dead?
well his nickname is liver of steel so it makes sense that his balls follow suit. tell him i say sorry
IF I CAN STICK YOUR DICK IN MY MOUTH, I CAN STICK MY GUM ON YOUR NIGHTSTAND.
A guy in a banana suit just got the whole bus to participate in a call and response version of Bohemian Rhapsody. HERO
This girl ordered Hershey syrup and red wine and he made it for her
I will always make you feel special and slightly offended. That's my job.
One failed naked backward somersault off the bed and I realize - I either need to drink less or workout more. Perhaps both.
You would only karaoke to Spanish songs, but sang with the accent of the french candle stick in beauty and the beast.
How many times have we said we'd stop taking Jell-O shots with strangers?
There's only two more days left to say you saw me naked this year.....I'll bring the booze, you got all of next year to rationalize why.
Hey, it's all about finding the bright side. And boobs are definitely a bright side.
THERE IS A MAN IN THE BATHROOM IN COLONIAL GARB GET HERE
I cannot believe all 4 of us had sex at the same time, in the same bed... And it didn't turn into a foursome..
Randomize
