I made popcorn. Partly so the room doesn't smell like sex, and partly to apologize for the things you saw when you walked in...
Should I tell her she gave me head in the kitchen while I was eating a cupcake or would that hurt her dignity too much?
You should seriously consider super glueing your knees together
The power of my vagina can withstand any attempt of celibacy
It's like you are the superhero of getting jizzed on
This is your typical drubkba Amy test. Shout out to jisus for auto correct
It's like leaving me for his wife wasn't enough. He had to give me an STD too.
Thank you for making it possible for me to get laid while having peace of mind my dog is well taken care of.
We tried to make ramen in a glass bowl on the stove. They called facilities to pick the glass out of the door
I'd return your shirt, but it got all wet from lying on the bathroom floor while I was in the shower with Justin's roommate...
Keep it.
New rule. No seeing movies about plane crashes after killer bong rips
Do you have paint?
Paint? I wish
OMG WHAT ARE YOU DOING
So apparently using the emergency exit of the bar as a bathroom is frowned upon in this establishment...
You just can't finish a sentence that starts with "I may have drunk peed in the bed" with "do you mind if I skip work and sleep here?" Anyways, yeah still drunk at work.
You have the most beautiful penis I've ever seen. I never thought penises were meant to be beautiful, but you proved me wrong
Open the door and I will lure them out to freedom with viagra and candy orange slices. You know they love that shit.
Randomize
