You peed for a solid 5 minutes last night and turned around halfway through to give everyone watching a thumbs up
I shagged another guy with one ball last night. Are there really that many dudes with one nut in la or am I just a magnet for prostetic testes?
the only good thing about these hospital visits are the free pregnancy tests
All I remember is that the bartender wouldn't give me scissors cuz I was too drunk
pretty sure I called you last night to sing Hebrew to you.
I ate goldfish off your shoulder, I think we had bigger issues
i woke up to something itchy on my head. it was his mustache. he fell asleep face-plant style on the side of my head. WTF?
So what's today's forecast for the female rollercoaster you've been riding?
Either you got hacked or we need to have a serious discussion about sending penis enlargement emails to your straight friends and why you shouldn't. It sends the wrong message.
Im like a hedgehog. Easy to corner or get within reach, but tough to get right close to. Like a rooster with its feathers surgically replaced with razors
Dougie got over his pride nerves. Found him dancing on a float wearing nothing but rainbow boxers.
Turns out I tore my ACL when I fell off the mechanical bull.. Happy bday to me
I'm touching everything in your apartment with my penis.
just licked whipped cream off some model's nipple... just coming clean for when the pic gets on instagram because i am not untagging that shit
you were making out with a girl because you told her you were part of Nsync
Randomize
