He went through and tagged himself on my crotch in all of my facebook pics
We'll see haha. The cum didn't work...I just chewed the whole thing in a day.
I hope you meant gum...
Nothing quite says America like barbecue and beer at 9 in the morning.
Fuck winter. I had to scrape my windshield, shoeless, after the walk of shame so I could go home.
Unlimited sex for unlimited netflix. I can deal with that. I think this is the first prostitution deal for netflix ever.
he actually managed to pick a girl up by telling her that her skirt was ugly and she didnt do a good job with her makeup. thats some seriously low selfesteem
Dude, she gave me a handski that literally felt like she was starting a lawn mower...
So... Really random... You know we only exist cause Dad misspelled 'perseverance', right?
Nearly got hit by a blue bell ice cream truck. Can I count on you to make plenty of puns like "her life was sweet, and so was her death" at my funeral if that was to happen?
YOLO is a great motto until you end up with Chlamydia
Excuse you? I'm an asshole at least 90% of the time. Get it right.
Everytime I give him head I make him rub my back. Teamwork at it's finest.
You were only speaking with either thumbs up, thumbs down, or high fives haha
We kicked down a door together last night, pretty sure that qualifies us as best friends.
as a lesbian i'd like to thank joe biden and also america for giving us this absolute MILF for a VP
Randomize
