Help i just walked in on mom blowing dad
Chelsea handler, $19 million - Forbes women top 100. Seriously she shaped her career around her love of vodka. HERO.
All I remember is holding on to the elevator asking it politely to stop spinning
No its cool, because I bought a handle of tequila earlier, in case things went south
FYI, when you wake up, please note that I puked in your shoes because I sstubbed my tooee, not becus I was drunk.
Listen, everyone has a price and mine is free taco bell.
I don't want to be with anyone who doesn't accept me for who I am. eating cheeseburgers in bed is my favorite activity.
For the record we tried to find 4th of july porn. Did not turn out well.
I hooked up with a guy dressed as Justin Timberlake, while dressed as Britney Spears. Fuck Jessica Biel, all my 90's dreams are coming true.
So... Really random... You know we only exist cause Dad misspelled 'perseverance', right?
Just realized I used a picture of my little sister to holler at a guy, only 3 months old and she's already my wingman.
Can I just lay in bed and you pour vodka through a funnel in my mouth?
She can't even plan ahead to have toilet paper for her next shit
I just found a ladybug shell in my underwear. What was I doing last night?
Woke up with a bed full of sand...care to explain?
Isnt is self explanatory?
Randomize
